Thursday, April 03, 2008

At least let me walk out the door, before you giggle

I’m going to write this with having zero sleep, so if it comes out sounding fucked up, you’ll know why. Yesterday I was arrested for application to revoke a one year suspended sentence on Possession of Marijuana. I’ve had the warrant since August 2005, from where I didn’t/couldn’t complete my community service, due to the fact that I was put in the hospital for a week, and then it was one thing after another and I never got around to completing the hours.

After the jackass yaS reported what I had posted, which I figured he would, a few more of his friends made there way to my site. After finding out who I was, they of course ran a check on me and discovered that lovely warrant that has been hanging over my head for too damn long. When I made the post it was in the back of my mind that I could be arrested, but in a way I was ready to get it over with. I’ve barely left my house in the past two years, so this forced me back out into the real world again.

I was arrested by the Glenpool PD Officer Mobley (hope I spelled that right. Nice guy, smiles a lot.) around 3:45pm and was taken to the local jail. I did okay for a minute, but only a minute. I don’t know if I want to write about this next part or not. I’m thinking about it for a minute or two. I haven’t even told anyone in my family about it yet, and I probably won’t. I’m keeping my sleeves pulled down, just to make sure no one sees. I don’t want them to see, because they will want to know why I did what I did, and sometimes I just don’t have a reason why.

I mostly cut when I get stressed. It’s like I go somewhere else, and when I’m done cutting I return to a more normal state. That’s usually when I say to myself, what the FUCK!

I’m a cutter...shhhh...don’t tell.
Its socially unacceptable that I express pain.
I bleed just so I’ll know I’m alive.
Pain doesn’t hurt when it’s all you’ve ever felt.

I don’t know what the young man’s name was, but I guess I should thank him now that I feel a little more normal...well as normal as I’ll be. Part of it, I think I have already blanked out, like the first initial cut, but I do remember asking for some toilet paper, because I didn’t want to make a mess on the floor or on me. I guess that’s the OCD. The young man handed me the toilet paper and I thought he had walked away, but I guess for whatever reason he looked back, and that’s when he saw what I had done. I don’t know how far I would have went had he not looked back. Probably further than the seven stitches.

At the hospital, I had a real nice baby sitter, Corporal T. I liked him, mostly because of his remark that he didn’t need no stinking taser. I like that in an

Officer M returned to the hospital to take me on to the county, and as we drove the short distance, we talked a little about my past. Telling him just a small part of my life, almost brought me to tears right there. I still can’t face my past, and I damn straight can’t talk about it to someone’s face. Maybe someday I can let it all go.

I finally got to the jail around 7pm, and surprisingly I wasn’t treated like a drain on society, I actually felt ok...Or maybe it was the xanax that I had taken before the cops picked me up. It could also have been that the Sheriffs department is running the jail again. Or it could have been that a camera crew from American Jail was there. (God, I hope they don’t put my ugly ass on TV.) Whatever it was, expect for the ridiculous amount of time I had to just sit around and wait, it wasn’t the bad experience that I figured would take place. I know it is my own actions that lead to some of the bad experiences I have had, but not all of them.

I finally made it out of jail around 4am, $600 dollars poorer, but at least now I don’t have a warrant hanging over my head. (Watch out, I’m now able to freely roam the streets again. That’s not a threat...just a little bit of my sick twisted humor.) I laid down in bed around 5am, but was never able to drift asleep, finally I got up and took a long hot shower before being at court by 9am.

Last thought, then I have to get some sleep...I want to know from the Sand Springs police department...if it wasn’t one of the officers from around there who has been harassing me, then who was the person that contacted you about the post “Late Night”?

And everyone, if you don’t want to read about fucked up, weird, off the wall, crazy ass, stupid, sad, painful, nasty shit that I write, don’t come to my site. It will still be here, and anytime I feel the need to post some insane thoughts from my head, I will post them. It is better to post them, than to keep them locked in my head.


Anonymous said...

I thought about calling you a couple of days ago so we could talk about this in private, but I changed my mind. Anyway, here's the deal, none of the officers from SS have any problems with you as long as you don't start anything with them. The officer that you had some issues with in the past on CL, who once tried to be your friend, looked at your blog one time after I told him I thought he was in one of your "adult" stories. lol He said he just looked at it that one time and never did again, nor did he post anything to you. We think the person "messing" with you is from another town not near here, or possibly even another state. The officer that I was talking about above, also asked that anyone messing with you please stop, because he doesn't want any problems in his town over some childish name calling and bashing. And honestly, if that was a police officer that made those posts, I'm disappointed that they would act like that. It's immature and unprofessional in my opinion. Also, just so you know, myself and the 2 officers from SS were told about the blog by someone else soon after you posted it.

I'm glad you got your warrant taken care of. Even though it sucks financially for sure, you probably feel less stressed out about it. Listen, I don't think you're an evil person. I actually feel compassion for what you've been through in life that makes you so miserable. However, at least in your adulthood, I think you have chosen to associate yourself with people and behaviors that have brought you in contact with law enforcement in a negative way, and so you may never understand the positive side of it. And it's okay to write about your anger, but like I said before, just be careful what you post online because there are laws governing some things.

I hope this will be the end of any bitterness, or bashing, or anything else that has happened between you and anyone on CL. I will probably visit your blog from time to time just to make sure no one continues to antagonize you. Is it a deal, or do you have any more issues that I can address?

And I really wish you wouldn't cut yourself. I don't know how to help you, other than pray for you, and I will do that.
Take care,


MsPsycho said...

The reason I thought it was a person from coplounge, is because they knew that I used to use the screen name thief. I haven't used that name since I quit stealing a few years ago.

Plus some of the other things that were said, led me to believe that it was someone in law enforcement, and since I had a problems in the past with officers from Coplounge, I assumed it was someone getting EVEN...maybe?

I'm sorry if I was wrong, and I promise I'm not going to cause any problems to you or the officers in Sand Springs.

And none of my sex stories are based on any one real person. I use a name at random. Joe, John are just some of the names I use regularly. I'll admit some of the names I use are names that I might have heard in the news. But it was never meant to offend anyone.

I sorta want to know who this 'someone else' is that reported the post to the police? But I know I will probably never find out. I think it maybe someone from Sapulpa. Still I'm not sure.

Once again, I’m sorry if I caused the wrong people problems. It won’t happen again.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the apology. Many of us on CL and those in LE, of course, have known your real name for a few years now and some of your information is public. It may very well have been someone from CL, but at this point there's no telling. I would just ignore them if I were you. We may never know who it really is and even if we did, what would it matter? They obviously need to get a life.

Breathe deeply, say a prayer, and try to get some sleep.