What does being OK mean?

"So, how are you?"

"I'm ok."

Usually, when people ask me the 'how-are-you' question, they don't care. They don't really want to hear more. I say OK, and everyone accepts that. I say OK, even when I'm not particularly OK. But that's fine, because no one really wants to hear any more than that. Especially when you're not OK.

How AM I feeling?

Sometimes I don't know. Because the truth is, I don't care either. I've treated myself the same way people treat me. Or maybe people treat me the same way I've treated myself. I don't know. I couldn't care less about myself. Sometimes I feel an overwhelming urge to beat myself up with a baseball bat. I want to scream at myself - to SHUT-THE-HELL-UP!

Sometimes, I am demanding and domineering towards myself.
I want HER to cringe and cower.

I expect HER to be silent, to not be seen.

And if she so much as say a word, a single word,

I will beat her into submission.

Sometimes I wish I would just disappear.