Sunday, February 25, 2007

50 Questions

50 Questions…

1. What type of pets do you have? Male and female mixed labs.
2. Do you own slippers? Yes, I have several pairs.
3. What is your favorite type of food? Chinese Hawaiian Chicken

4. How many cars have you owned throughout your life? 5
5. What is your favorite TV show of all time? Gilligan’s Island…Right now, My Name is Earl.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I hate the cheap kind…but every now and then I’ll eat one of the expensive kinds.
7. How many books have you read in the past year? At least 10, maybe more.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Milk with my breakfast.
9. Can you do push ups? No. I tore out the ACL and PCL in my knees and can no longer put any pressure on them.
10. Is your bathroom clean? My bathroom is very clean, but my boys bathroom makes me want to throw up.
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My Class Ring that I purchased for myself in 1984. 12. Have you ever broken any bones in your body? Yes I had my wrist broken 3 times, my right knee broken 4 times, my left knee twice, and my big toe 6 times.
13. Do you cuss? When needed.
14. Have you ever inhaled any illegal substance? Yes when I was a teen I tried a few things.

15. Have you ever won anything? Yes I’ve won at bingo, I once won a baby stroller for my son at a baby fair, I also won a years worth of milk, but then the store shut down before I got any of the milk. About 4 months ago I won $75 in scratch off lottery tickets.
16. Favorite body part? The eyes, I believe they are the window into a person’s soul.
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? 1. Damn I’m glad that cop drove on around the corner. 2. Hope he isn’t coming back around. 3. I need to go pee.
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought. Whipped cream, Strawberries, toilet paper.
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: Water, Diet Coke, and tea.

20. Current worry? Still worry if that cop is coming back.
21. Current hate? The pain in my neck.
22. Favorite place to be? Somewhere warm, and with my family.
23. How did you bring in the New Year? With my 2 boys, shooting off fireworks and making as much noise as possible.
24. Where would you like to go? To a place where my mind could be quiet.
25. Do you believe in UFO’s? Yes I actually saw one when I was 20 years old.
26. Have you ever been searched by the police? Yes. Too many times to count.
27. Have you ever smoked heroin? Umm Yes.
28. What shirt are you wearing? One with a picture of a tiger on front.
29. Do you burn or tan? Burn!!! I’m whitey the ghost.
30. Favorite color? I like all the dark deep rich colors.

31. What brand of shoe are you currently wearing? Reebok
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don’t sing in the shower, only when I’m completely and totally alone and sure NO ONE will hear me I attempt to sing.
33. Do you enjoy cooking? Most of the time, it all depends on the mood I’m in.

34. Do you prefer the sun or the moon? Love the moonlight
35. What's in your pocket right now? I better not tell you about that.
36. Last thing that made you laugh? Watching Hank Hill and one of the people that Hank works with said about his boss, “Why don’t we throw a wet blanket over his head and do what feels right.”
37. Name one of your favorite songs? You’re the Reason God Made Oklahoma
38. Worst injury you've ever had? Tearing the ACL in my left knee and Completely tearing my ACL and PCL out in my right knee.
39. How would you like to die? When I’m old and in a blaze of glory.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? Only 2 that are currently working.

41. Do you have plants in your house? Yes, several.
42. Do you own a gun? maybe
43. What time of the day do you poo? Usually in the morning.
44. Do you wish on shooting stars? I did when I was a little girl, but I don’t now that I’ve gotten older.
45. What is your favorite book? Welcome to My Breakdown

46. What is your favorite candy? Almond Joy Candy Bar
47. How many glasses of water do you drink in a day? At least 4 bottles, sometimes more.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Glory Days
49. What were you doing 12 AM last night? On this computer, hanging out on MySpace.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Damn my neck hurts I want to go back to sleep so I don’t have to think about the pain.

Monday, February 19, 2007

The Drug Addict Life

It was a long worrisome week-end. A friend of mine got busted for trying to jack a store for a few things to take to the Candyman for Twenty of ice. She said she had over a hundred dollars loaded to go when she began getting strange vibes that she was being stalked by a large fake bull at the mall. Instead of listening to her six sense she loaded up a couple more items then made a quick move to the door. The fake bull had seen her stuffing a few play toys into a lined bag that prevents the security device from signaling an alarm. He grabbed her by the arm and held her until the real popo showed up. She couldn’t get a hold of any of her other homies and had to spend the night in the county.

In my past I have chased the dragon, been called an acid freak, smoked the chronic and I’ve been known to boost and burn others. At times I was even willing to give up a piece of ass just to get the things I needed. The worst was when I began to mainline horse. I jacked off so much horse it’s a miracle I didn’t OD. Eventually I learned to let go of the hardcore drugs, if I wanted to continue to live. Of course being a junkie addict myself over the years, I’ve spent my share of time in the joint, locked down. So when she called asking if I could come bail her out, I said I would, knowing how the place makes you feel like you’ve got bugs crawling all over your body.

Eight hours after posting her bail we were in my car driving away from county lockup. The second she closed the car door to my car she began talking about partying with some nose candy and wanted to know if I wanted to party. She had met a cooker in jail who was released the night before and wanted to hook up with her when she got out. The last time I snorted any blow it caused my nose to bleed for 2 days, so I told her I would take her where she needed to go but I didn’t feel like doing any of the hard stuff. Still, if she was to come across some chronic bud I was in for twenty.

She told me where she could score a fat twenty, but first I had to stop at the ATM and pick up some funds. I then drove her across town where she met a young juggler who was standing near a street sign. When I pulled up to him and my friend motioned him to get in the back seat. I could tell that he was jumped up on meth. He was so wired he kept moving from one side of my back seat to the other side looking out my tinted windows.
He had me stopped in front of a house where several people stood around outside suspiciously staring at my car as if I was Johnny Law himself.

I hated some of the places that I often found myself in trying to score the shit that I need. I’ve been in some houses where there were so many roaches that I was afraid to do anything other than stand in the middle of the room and wait until what I was looking to score, was handed to me. That’s why I didn’t mind using a juggler because they were the ones who went into the houses and would often be right back out without me having to step into some house that was in deplorable condition.

When he returned he was even more amped than he was before trying to score. He told me he wasn’t able to score me a twenty so instead he picked me up a bomb for a dime. I hadn’t done any horse in a long time, but decided it wouldn’t hurt me to hit it a few times before we made it to the cookers crib to pick up some coke. I dropped the juggler back off on a street corner then followed my friends instructions to a much nicer and safer feeling side of town.

By the time we got there I was so stoned I could barely remember what I was to do next. My moves were slow, but for once the damn pain in the back of my neck finally stopped hurting. I followed my friend into the house and we head to the cookers private get-a-way. Looking at her friend, she looked cooked out, unable to function without some mind altering drug. In the basement she rolled up something that at first I thought was a joint, but as we began smoking on it she told me it was zombie weed. With the a bomb that I had just smoked part of and the zombie weed, my head was spinning so fast I felt like I was in lala land. By the time we were done, I was so dusted I could barely lift my head.

I spent the next several hours sitting silently in an overstuff chair in a damp basement with a friend and someone I had only known for a couple of hours. I so wasted as I watched my friend cook up her drugs, tie off and then slam something into her veins. It was as if everything was going in slow motion. Within seconds she dropped to the floor and laid there not moving. I sat there stunned, dusted, and unable to figure out what I needed to do to help my friend.

The cooker having more experience, she knew what she had given her and knew how to counter re-act the drugs she had given to my friend. The cooker stripped my friend’s jeans and underwear down and began shoving ice chips inside her vagina. Within a few minutes my friend began to respond. When she was alert enough to talk again, she wanted to know if I wanted to take her to the store so she could boost a few items so she could buy more of whatever it was that she just about OD on. I shook my head and told her I couldn’t stay on her path. I left her there with the cooker and slowly drove my now sober self home.
It’s time to let this path cover with grass and find a new path to take. Goodbye my friend, I hope you someday find what you are looking for.

Asteroid Threat

SAN FRANCISCO (Feb. 18) - An asteroid may come uncomfortably close to Earth in 2036 and the United Nations should assume responsibility for a space mission to deflect it, a group of astronauts, engineers and scientists said on Saturday.

Astronomers are monitoring an asteroid named Apophis, which has a 1 in 45,000 chance of striking Earth on April 13, 2036. Although the odds of an impact by this particular asteroid are low, a recent congressional mandate for NASA to upgrade its tracking of near-Earth asteroids is expected to uncover hundreds, if not thousands of threatening space rocks in the near future, former astronaut Rusty Schweickart said. "It's not just Apophis we're looking at. Every country is at risk. We need a set of general principles to deal with this issue," Schweickart, a member of the Apollo 9 crew that orbited the earth in March 1969, told an American Association for the Advancement of Science conference in San Francisco. Schweickart plans to present an update next week to the U.N. Committee on Peaceful Uses of Outer Space on plans to develop a blueprint for a global response to an asteroid threat.

The Association of Space Explorers, a group of former astronauts and cosmonauts, intends to host a series of high-level workshops this year to flesh out the plan and will make a formal proposal to the U.N. in 2009, he said. Schweickart wants to see the United Nations adopt procedures for assessing asteroid threats and deciding if and when to take action. The favored approach to dealing with a potentially deadly space rock is to dispatch a spacecraft that would use gravity to alter the asteroid's course so it no longer threatens Earth, said astronaut Ed Lu, a veteran of the International Space Station.

The so-called Gravity Tractor could maintain a position near the threatening asteroid, exerting a gentle tug that, over time, would deflect the asteroid. An asteroid the size of Apophis, which is about 460 feet long, would take about 12 days of gravity-tugging, Lu added. Mission costs are estimated at $300 million. Launching an asteroid deflection mission early would reduce the amount of energy needed to alter its course and increase the chances of a successful outcome, Schweickart said. NASA says the precise effect of a 460-foot object hitting the Earth would depend on what the asteroid was made of and the angle of impact. Paul Slovic, president of Oregon-based Decision Research, which studies judgment, decision-making and risk analysis, said the asteroid could take out an entire city or region.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Panic Disorder

Panic disorder is an emotional disturbance found in about 1-2% of all American adults, women more than men; it is rare among children. People with this disorder have a fairly constant state of moderate anxiety and an over responsive sympathetic nervous system; they respond to even mild stressors or mild exercise with a sudden increase in heart rate and blood adrenaline. That arousal sometimes provokes a full-fledged panic attack, accompanied by chest pains, difficulty in breathing, sweating, faintness, and shaking. A panic attack generally lasts only a few minutes, although it may last an hour or more. During an attack, most people worry about fainting, dying, or going crazy. People often interpret a panic attack as a heart attack or as sign of an impending heart attack. After a few such attacks, those worries may grow more intense and may even trigger further panics.
Panic disorder can become self-perpetuating. Many people deal with anxiety by taking a deep breath or two, to help calm themselves down. On the theory that “if a little is good, a whole lot will be better,” they may continue breathing deeply, or hyperventilating. Hyperventilation expels carbon dioxide and therefore lowers the carbon dioxide level in the blood. Then if something happens that increases the carbon dioxide level, such as sudden physical activity or an experience that excites the sympathetic nervous system, the carbon dioxide level in the blood increased by a large percentage and stimulates an increased heart rate, trembling, and other symptoms of a panic attack-the very thing the person was trying to avoid. After a few such episodes, the likelihood of further attacks increases. One treatment for panic disorders is to teach the person to avoid hyperventilating. Another is to teach the person to recognize sudden increases in heart rate and trembling as a sign of an impending heart attack.
When people discover that physical exertion sometimes triggers a panic attack, they may decide to avoid any sort of physical activity. As a result, they grow even more sensitive to the effects of physical activity; even slight exertion will raise the level of carbon dioxide in their blood. Consequently, some authorities recommend regular exercise as a treatment for panic disorder.
Panic disorder is frequently linked with agoraphobia-an excessive fear of open places or public places, from agora, the ancient Greek work for “marketplace”. Most psychologist believe that the people with panic disorder are not primarily afraid of the open places themselves; they are afraid of being incapacitated or embarrassed by having a panic attack in a public place. In a sense, they are afraid of their own fear. To avoid the prospect of a public panic attack, they stay home as much as possible and almost never go out alone.
Some psychologists advise people with panic attacks to stop worrying about their attacks, to take the attitude, “If it happens, it happens.”
Worrying about anything-even panic attacks themselves-often prompts people to hyperventilate, and hyperventilation can lead to another panic attack.