Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Butt Cheek Bandits Terrorizing Kearney, Nebraska

Apparently a vandal or vandals have been terrorizing the town of Kearney, Nebraska (pop. 27,431) by leaving Vaseline ass prints on the windows of local businesses. Over twenty sites have been hit on this ass print crime spree that started last May. My favorite line of the article is “there may have been copycat printings”. Really, “may have been”? Don’t they have a crack C.S.I. squad out there in Kearney that can determine if we are talking about one ass print or multiple ass prints?

At least that’s what folks in Valentine hope after someone slathered his bare backside — and front side — with Vaseline, then left prints on windows of businesses, schools and churches. The local Midland News newspaper called the vandal or vandals “lewd, lubricated, lurching lunatics.”

“It’s just a weird deal, but it’s weird enough to cause a little bit of concern,” said Valentine Police Chief Ben McBride. “Who in their right mind would do something like that?” McBride has fielded about 20 reports.

“I don’t know what kind of people it takes to do that,” Nollett said. “Someone with a weird sense of humor, I guess.” The wrongdoing is more disgusting than destructive. There has been no physical damage, although producing the printings would involve indecent exposure.

Maybe I have a “weird sense of humor” but I think this is friggin’ hilarious. How much beer to do you have to drink and how bored do you have to be to realize it would be pretty funny to cover your ass in Vaseline and leave ass prints around town? I am guessing at least 15 beers.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Black Friday...Let's go shopping!!!

I haven’t yet decided if I’ll be going out on BLACK FRIDAY, but I’m seriously considering doing so. You know the day I’m talking about, the day after we fill our stomachs so full of food that we feel as if we are going to split open at the seams if we dare to bend down and pick up something. Thanksgiving is a time when we think of family, getting together, and good old fashion FOOD. It is a great time to see family members that we don’t other wise see very often, or haven’t seen in years, and to just hang out with friends. This year I’ll be doing both. First, I’ll be spending most of the day with family that I haven’t seen since last Thanksgiving, and then for the following weekend I’ll be cooking for some friends coming to my house.

Between these two glorious feasts, and stuffing myself until I feel like I want to explode, the day after Thanksgiving, I’ll be spending sometime walking off Grandma’s homemade hot rolls, turkey, stuffing and gravy early in the morning at Wal-Mart. Then it’s off to the mall for a little more shopping.

Now I am never excited about waking up at 4 am the day after a holiday when I’ve stuffed myself like a turkey, but I always managed to go out for a couple hours, sometimes more, just to find that right gift...at a price that I feel is acceptable. Sometimes making your way through the crowds can be one of the most strenuous workouts that you will ever have. But, by the time I down a couple cups of French Vanilla coffee, I feel wired enough to walk off those 5 pounds I feel like I put on the day before, and make my way through the toughest of crowds without getting shoved to the side. I think the reason I love to go, is the thrill of trying to find a good deal, plus I just like shopping.

Here are some tips that I follow to make sure I have a great day.

(1) Get there early! If you are like me and stay up late anyway, you might as well forgo sleep and hit the stores (especially Wal-Mart) around 3 am. If you don’t others will have already filled their carts with the sale items before the sale even starts…leaving you with nothing.

(2) Make a plan. Decide before you get to the store, what you are planning to purchase. What is the most important thing you are looking to buy? Plan to make that your first stop.

(3) Have fun, and don’t let yourself get overwhelmed. Remember everyone is there looking to get themselves a deal.

(4) Number 4 is important…Please remember to watch your purse or wallet! There are many more people out at this time of the year shopping, but there are some, who are shopping for your cash. Never turn your back on your purse sitting in your shopping cart. A thief can grab your purse, and be gone in less than 5 seconds.

Have fun on Black Friday!!! Let’s go shopping!!!

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Daddy Hurt Me...A true Story

From: MsPsycho
From: *PEACE*
From: Kellee
Date: Nov 3, 2007 8:04 AM



My name is Chris

I am three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I cant do a wrong

I cant speak at all

Or else im locked up

All day long.

When im awake im all alone

The house is dark

My folks arent home

When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe ill just get

One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Chariles bar

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the wall

I try to hide

From his evil eyes

Im so afraid now

I'm starting to cry

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault

He suffers at work

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door

Hes already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken,

"Im sorry!", I scream

But its now much to late

His face has been twisted

Into a unimaginable shape

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

O please God, have mercy!

O please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor

My name is Chris

I am three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me

And you can help

Sickens me to the soul,

And if you read this

and don't pass it on

I pray for your forgivness

Because you would have to be

One heartless person

To not be affected

By this Poem

And because U R affected,

Do something about it!

So all i ask you to do

Is pass this on!