Saturday, August 25, 2007

A Bug Joke

A few days ago, I woke up from a nap with a searing pain in my right ear. My eardrum felt as if it was vibrating and suffering from some sort of spasm. After shaking my head around for a couple of minutes and trying to stop the spasm by sticking my finger in my ear (bad idea), OUT CRAWLED A TINY BLACK BUG!!!

*shudder* and again still *shuddering*

For the next few days I continue to feel intermittent pain in that ear. It becomes so much of a problem that I begin to obsess that the bug that dropped from my ear, has laid it's eggs somewhere deep inside my ear canal. The more days that pass the more I begin to believe that I’m being eaten alive by tiny bug larvae.

GROSS GROSS GROSS EW EW EW!!! *shuddering again*

So when I woke at 6:30 this morning to the sensation of SOMETHING CRAWLING IN MY EAR, I freaked out and stumbled into the bathroom to KILL THE LARVAE TRYING TO EAT THROUGH TO MY BRAIN.

The first thing I saw was a bottle of peroxide, which I poured just a small amount into my ear.

Bad idea.
Peroxide bubbles.
Bubbles hit eardrum.
Bubbles hitting eardrum causes vertigo.
Vertigo causes me to fall onto the bathroom floor and twitch, unable to get up to pour alcohol into ear and stop the madness.

Eventually I managed to grab the alcohol off the counter and stop the bubbling.

If something is in my ear, it is now very clean and very drunk...

You Are Never Alone

There are times when you are alone,
no matter how crowded the room.
There are times when you are alone,
and not a soul is around.
But you are never alone,
because the ghosts in your heart
will always be with you,
to share the good and the bad.
The long lonely nights,
the short fun filled minutes.
No matter what it is that you are doing
you are never truly alone.
I think sometimes the ghosts are the ones
that we wish the most to spend our time with,
and other times they are the ones
we wish to get away from the most.
Haunted past memories of lovers, friends and family.
Never is a person truly alone.
If we ever did lose those memories,
no matter how anguishing they may seem
while we see them now,
think of how alone we would truly be
if we didn’t have them.
Would it truly be better
to not have those memories at all
and be completely alone,
or is it better on those long cold nights
to have the past to keep us company?
Even if the past isn’t always something that we loved,
or are happy to have happened to us,
the reward of retaining those bad memories
is the gift of having the good memories too.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

My boy toy

I met him online in one of the chat rooms, and after viewing his gorgeous, young body, I knew I had to taste all that he had to offer. He was around the age of eighteen, muscular and with olive colored skin, a big tattoo on his smooth biceps, green eyes, and dark short cut hair. He was any older woman's dream.

He met me at my apartment, and we spent no time getting down to business, stripping our clothes off as we walked towards my bed. My mattress lies by the open window, with a single crumpled sheet and pillow. Slowly the boy sinks to his knees and tips me backward onto the bed, never taking his eyes off my cunt. Laying his palms on the insides of my thighs, he forces my legs apart as far as they will spread. I can't take my eyes off that beautiful penis. Then I have to because he starts to thrust hard and fast, his round balls slapping my flesh, his hands convulsively squeezing my breasts. I'm panting and gasping, thrusting back and kissing his penis hard with my vagina. As soon as my whimpers reach a certain pitch, the boy slips it out, wipes away the sweat that's trickled down his creamy chest to his belly, then he enters me again, and again and again.
He rolls me over and grips me by the hips and jacking my ass upward, he changes angle and rams it up my cunt all the way to the cervix. I rock against him as hard and fast as I want to; this guy's not going to quit pumping till I can't cum anymore.

Bright, almost blinding light from the hall fell across our bodies as my roommate and a tall black man stumbled into the apartment.

"Damn! Give me a fuckin' break," the boy protest.

"Ohh, Don't stop!" I shout out as I grabbed the boy's ass, forcing him deep inside me. "They are friends of mine. Keep going."

From the corner of my eye I see the man my roommate as brought back with her, already stripped to the waist. He looks like a dark-chocolate God.

The boy is watching while he continues to dig deeper between the cheeks of my rump, stroking my breasts and sneaking one hand down to play with my clit. Without a word my roommate strips and begins to suck her mans mounting hard on.

By this time I'm cumming in a nonstop hysterical stream, the feel of my mount penetrating me again and again sent a shuddering wave all through me. I bit the pillow and gripped the mattress edges for dear life.

As I look over I see my roommate twisting around into a low bend over the bathtub with her rump in the air. Her man forces his long black thick cock up her creamy white mound, as she caresses her own stiff breast, making noises in the back of her throat as he roughly enters her.

"Oh you dirty fucking bastard. Fuck me hard", she groans. The boy at my cunt is like a rock, his balls are like a hard fuzzy peach ready to burst. I find myself wanting them to burst at last.

I brush the sweaty hair from my eyes and look at the man as he's lathering his left hand, his right hand resting on my roommates soft white ass. The boy hugs me even tighter and bites into the back of my neck. The man returns my stare with cold contempt. I watch as his dark cock rams in and out of her ass, slowly he guides several of his long fingers into her cunt. The boy takes one look and, "aaaaaaaahahhahhhhhhh!" hot and wet cum spills forth only like a virile teenager can. We collapse in exhaustion. A pool of semen seeps out onto the bed.
"You bastard," shouts my roommate. Still she loved it. A cock up her ass and a hand up her tight little white cunt. With a jerk her man pulls out of her, and shoots his massive load over her creamy white ass. Her man quickly steps into his clothes and rushes out the door. As a last word he shouts, "You fucking white bitch", then he's gone. My roommate giggles, massages her moist behind and then darts off to her room, leaving me alone with the boy.

He turns to kiss me one last time. "Good night Rick," I whisper lightly into his ear.

"It's Ron," he says smiling sweetly.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Man Arrested for having Sex with a Pumpkin

'A man is driving home late one night and is feeling very horny. As he is passing a pumpkin patch, his mind starts to wander...'

This was in the "Washington Post"... the title of the article was "Best Comeback Line Ever." This is pretty damn good. Drunk and horny, he still came up with this!

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the jail.

Lawrence went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice the Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin? it midnight already?"

Friday, August 03, 2007