Nausea is tearing me up right now, so much so, that I gave in and took a couple Reglan. Now I remember why I quit doing the hardcore drugs years ago. It takes my body too damn long to recover now days. I’m finally starting to crash, and managed to eat a some crackers a few minutes ago, but still everything smells and taste like crap.
I want to use something to help me lose weight, but I’m not sure about using the hardcore stuff. Still, I think I dropped a couple pounds just being active for most of the night and day. Now though, my body is starting to feel like crap, and I have completely lost the hearing in my right ear. Don’t know if I’m going deaf, if its the drugs I did, vertigo, Ménière's syndrome, if its from all the ear infections I use to have while going up that went untreated or if its a combination of all the above. Whatever it is, it sure sucks, and is making me feel a lot worse.
From around the age of 8 to 16, I had probably around 40 to 50 ear infections from going swimming in the summertime. I was told by a relative that I probably had swimmers ear, which causes repeated ear infections. Problem was every time I got one, my parents wouldn’t or couldn’t afford to take me to the doctor to get it treated. Many nights during the summer I would stay awake all night holding my ears, crying because the pain was intolerable. The only thing my parents would say was to tell me to stop my damn crying, because they didn’t want to hear me.
Well, I’ve got to try and get some sleep, the boys will be back tomorrow, so I have to pull myself together. Hope everyone has a wonderful Memorial Day.
Showing posts with label Reglan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reglan. Show all posts
Monday, May 26, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Nothing Makes Us so Lonely as Our Secrets
This past week has really sucked. Last Friday night my throat began feeling scratchy, and by the next morning I was running a fever and had a really bad headache. By late that night I was sneezing, coughing, had body aches, and overall feeling like shit. The next day, I took some cold/flu medicine and slept for most of the day.
I was just thankful that when Monday rolled around I didn’t have to go to court. It cost me $375 for an attorney , but he went to court for me. I’ll have to appear sometime in June, but for now I don’t have to worry about anything. It’s not going to be bad anyway, I already found out that I should just have to pay a fine and it will be over with, so I’m not really concerned about the outcome.
I still haven’t gone back to taken Reglan yet. My mind feels better and my depression isn’t weighing on me as heavy as it was before, but now my stomach is tearing me up most days. It’s kinda like having monthly cramps everyday without the pain and bloating letting up. I may need to go back to the doctor, but I hate going to them, because every time they want to put me on something else and not tell me about all the possible side effects. I hate feeling like a guinea pig.
One thing that I was reminded of when I went to meet/speak with my attorney, was my right to freedom of speech. While talking about my case, I had to go back to the beginning and tell why I was originally arrested and what all took place. In the end, it was all linked back to this blog and the things I have posted on this site that led law enforcement to my house. Pointing this fact out and staring it squarely in the face, I have to ask myself if I should continue to post on this blog. I didn’t mind to much when it was a stranger reading about my crazy thoughts, but when people who know who I am began reading the blog, I felt like I lost a little of my right to free speech. I began censoring myself, afraid of what people who know who I am, think about me.
So I can continue my struggle to find myself, I started another blog under one of my other screen names, so I will once again enjoy my right to free speech. If you are a good detective, you can find the other blogs ...maybe. Today, I don’t care what others think, or if you think I’m crazy, insane, and in need of medication. These are my psycho thoughts, and I have every right to put out there for the world to see, anything that my mind creates.
A little over two years ago when I started this blog, I kept it private where only I could read what was posted. But then I began exploring the internet and talked to many people who suggested that by telling my story, instead of keeping it to myself, I could and would begin to heal and recover from my past trauma. At first I was really embarrassed letting people know, even if they were strangers online, what was going on in my mind some days. Letting strangers glance into a small part of my life, has helped me to understand that I am not alone, and other people have trauma or drama also in their lives. More important was the fact that these people who also suffered, were able to make it to another day. And I guess that’s all I really have to do, is make it to the next day. I don’t know about the day after, or a month from now, but for right now I’m just trying to make it till tomorrow.
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
- Robin Williams
If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
- Katharine Hepburn
I was just thankful that when Monday rolled around I didn’t have to go to court. It cost me $375 for an attorney , but he went to court for me. I’ll have to appear sometime in June, but for now I don’t have to worry about anything. It’s not going to be bad anyway, I already found out that I should just have to pay a fine and it will be over with, so I’m not really concerned about the outcome.
I still haven’t gone back to taken Reglan yet. My mind feels better and my depression isn’t weighing on me as heavy as it was before, but now my stomach is tearing me up most days. It’s kinda like having monthly cramps everyday without the pain and bloating letting up. I may need to go back to the doctor, but I hate going to them, because every time they want to put me on something else and not tell me about all the possible side effects. I hate feeling like a guinea pig.
One thing that I was reminded of when I went to meet/speak with my attorney, was my right to freedom of speech. While talking about my case, I had to go back to the beginning and tell why I was originally arrested and what all took place. In the end, it was all linked back to this blog and the things I have posted on this site that led law enforcement to my house. Pointing this fact out and staring it squarely in the face, I have to ask myself if I should continue to post on this blog. I didn’t mind to much when it was a stranger reading about my crazy thoughts, but when people who know who I am began reading the blog, I felt like I lost a little of my right to free speech. I began censoring myself, afraid of what people who know who I am, think about me.
So I can continue my struggle to find myself, I started another blog under one of my other screen names, so I will once again enjoy my right to free speech. If you are a good detective, you can find the other blogs ...maybe. Today, I don’t care what others think, or if you think I’m crazy, insane, and in need of medication. These are my psycho thoughts, and I have every right to put out there for the world to see, anything that my mind creates.
A little over two years ago when I started this blog, I kept it private where only I could read what was posted. But then I began exploring the internet and talked to many people who suggested that by telling my story, instead of keeping it to myself, I could and would begin to heal and recover from my past trauma. At first I was really embarrassed letting people know, even if they were strangers online, what was going on in my mind some days. Letting strangers glance into a small part of my life, has helped me to understand that I am not alone, and other people have trauma or drama also in their lives. More important was the fact that these people who also suffered, were able to make it to another day. And I guess that’s all I really have to do, is make it to the next day. I don’t know about the day after, or a month from now, but for right now I’m just trying to make it till tomorrow.
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
- Robin Williams
If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
- Katharine Hepburn
Friday, May 02, 2008
One Less Pill to Take
Since around January 2006, I’ve been taking a medicine my doctor prescribed for my diabetic ‘lazy stomach’ called Reglan or the generic name Metoclopram. It increases the muscle contractions in my upper digestive tract, which speeds up the rate at which my stomach empties into the intestines. It also helps with the nausea, vomiting, and heartburn, that taking some of my other medicines cause.
Anyway, about 10 days ago, I stopped taking the medicine, mostly because I was too fucking lazy to get off my ass and get the prescription filled again. After not taking the medicine for three days, I noticed a drastic change in my mood. Most of my suicidal thoughts that I’ve been having for around two years now, disappeared. At first I thought it was just because I was about to go through another manic phase, but it felt very different this time.
As more days pass the better my moods seem to be, and I feel my mind is a lot clearer now. The best part is my insomnia seems to be disappearing...well at least for now anyway. I’m not totally sure it’s because I stopped taking the Reglan, but I’m going to go without it for another week and see if it continues to make a difference in how I feel daily.
Before I posted this I decided to google Reglan and see what I could find out...guess I might be right. I found out that it can cause depression, and since I already have depression its making it worse. The other thing I found out is that I should have only taken the medicine for 12 weeks...I’ve been on the shit for 2 fucking years!!
Here is some of the things I found out:
Most important fact about Reglan (in big bold lettering)
Reglan may cause mild to severe depression. If you have suffered from depression in the past, make sure your doctor is aware of it. Reglan may not be the best drug for you.
Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat. Stop using Reglan and call your doctor at once if you have any of these serious side effects:
tremors, or restless muscle movements in your eyes, tongue, jaw, or neck;
mask-like appearance of the face;
fever, stiff muscles, confusion, sweating, fast or uneven heartbeats, rapid breathing;
depressed mood, thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself;
hallucinations, anxiety, agitation, jittery feeling, trouble staying still;
swelling, fluid retention;
jaundice (yellowing of your skin or eyes); or
seizure (convulsions)
feeling restless, drowsy, tired, or dizzy;
headache, sleep problems (insomnia);
nausea, diarrhea;
breast tenderness or swelling;
changes in your menstrual periods; or
urinating more than usual.
Okay, so I now have this choice to make, stay on the drug to help with calming my stomach down, but I would still have to deal with all the side effects. On the other hand, I do without the drug and let my stomach do whatever it wants and not have to deal with all the side effects. I’m just not sure what I should do. For now it feels good to not have sucidial thoughts.
Anyway, about 10 days ago, I stopped taking the medicine, mostly because I was too fucking lazy to get off my ass and get the prescription filled again. After not taking the medicine for three days, I noticed a drastic change in my mood. Most of my suicidal thoughts that I’ve been having for around two years now, disappeared. At first I thought it was just because I was about to go through another manic phase, but it felt very different this time.
As more days pass the better my moods seem to be, and I feel my mind is a lot clearer now. The best part is my insomnia seems to be disappearing...well at least for now anyway. I’m not totally sure it’s because I stopped taking the Reglan, but I’m going to go without it for another week and see if it continues to make a difference in how I feel daily.
Before I posted this I decided to google Reglan and see what I could find out...guess I might be right. I found out that it can cause depression, and since I already have depression its making it worse. The other thing I found out is that I should have only taken the medicine for 12 weeks...I’ve been on the shit for 2 fucking years!!
Here is some of the things I found out:
Most important fact about Reglan (in big bold lettering)
Reglan may cause mild to severe depression. If you have suffered from depression in the past, make sure your doctor is aware of it. Reglan may not be the best drug for you.
Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat. Stop using Reglan and call your doctor at once if you have any of these serious side effects:
tremors, or restless muscle movements in your eyes, tongue, jaw, or neck;
mask-like appearance of the face;
fever, stiff muscles, confusion, sweating, fast or uneven heartbeats, rapid breathing;
depressed mood, thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself;
hallucinations, anxiety, agitation, jittery feeling, trouble staying still;
swelling, fluid retention;
jaundice (yellowing of your skin or eyes); or
seizure (convulsions)
feeling restless, drowsy, tired, or dizzy;
headache, sleep problems (insomnia);
nausea, diarrhea;
breast tenderness or swelling;
changes in your menstrual periods; or
urinating more than usual.
Okay, so I now have this choice to make, stay on the drug to help with calming my stomach down, but I would still have to deal with all the side effects. On the other hand, I do without the drug and let my stomach do whatever it wants and not have to deal with all the side effects. I’m just not sure what I should do. For now it feels good to not have sucidial thoughts.
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