Thursday, December 31, 2009

Bring in the New Year Drunk.... Damn!

Well, it looks like I'll be bringing in this new year drunk. I haven't done that in quite some time. Anyway not this drunk. At least I'm at home, so the worst that can happen is I puke on the keyboard. yuck! ... tasted a little party throwing up in my mouth when I thought about that. Puke is such a nasty thing.

Hope everyone has a happy and safe new year!

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and in the new year find you have become a better person.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Worst Christmas Ever?

For the past thirty minutes I’ve been reading about some of the odd, horrible, what were they thinking kind of gifts that people receive at Christmas time. Though I did read a few really bad stories, like the guy who gave his wife 5 quarts of motor oil and an oil filter so she could change the oil on her car, I think some of my previous gifts have been a little worse. Still, there were several funny ones, like the lady who received the turbo tax program from her husband, so she could file their tax return. There was also the young couple who recently moved into a new house, and received wrapped toilet paper, paper towels, and bottles of cleaning supplies as a gift because the Aunt thought they could use the stuff for their new place. The funniest, and yet sad, was a lady who received a giant bag of used left over bath products.

I’ve been known to give previous owned presents, like the year I gave a friend a rose candle that I had sitting around my house for a couple years and never used. Problems was I had forgotten at the time that she had given me the candle a few years earlier. Ooopps. I will also give gifts that I have picked up at a discount, or second hand resale shop, and even items from garages sales, if they are what I consider nice. It’s not that I’m cheap, but when you have a large family, it starts quickly adding up to a lot of money.

I think I do a better job than some of my family. They are horrible giftters, but I take the gift with a smile and a big thank you regardless. I just still haven’t decided what to do with the 100 plus small packages of condiments, from various drive-thru restaurants, that I received from one member of my family last year. If you’re not working I understand, but don’t decided to horde condiment packages to give as a gift, just go ahead and keep those for yourself.

One of my other gifts last year include a really ugly sleigh with a woman driving. It was filled with peppermint candy, which was a nice thought, if it hadn’t been chewed on by a mouse. On top you could clearly see where a mouse had sat and chewed on several pieces of the candy. When I pointed out that she must have a mouse, she looked at me and seriously said, “It’ll be okay. Just take the candy on top off, the rest is still good.” The whole thing was placed securely into the trash the second I got home.

Previous years weren’t much better, so when we got together at Thanksgiving, I convinced everyone to make up just one basket of items, priced from 10 to 20 dollars. Then when we get together on Christmas eve, we would draw a number, or whatever, and that would be the basket you received. My odds of receiving a nice gift this year feel a little better. At least I won’t be carrying home 20 pounds of previously frozen deer meat that needs to be cooked up quickly so it doesn’t go to waste...the day before Christmas.

The dreadful day draws near... Lol. I’m just waiting to hear about all the latest drama. My sister-in-law called me earlier tonight and briefed me on a few details of the next Jerry Springer Actually I think the craziness that goes on out there, might be a little to far out even for Jerry.

Brief run down. My half-sister J, who is really by blood my cousin, is living with a guy named C. C used to be married to my younger sister S, and had a boy J and a girl C. Now J, my nephew, calls my half-sister J, Auntiemom.

After my younger sister S broke up with C for sleeping with J, she married another guy that was almost 25 years older than her and who had 6 other kids. They all moved in together, but he was a alcoholic with a former war history, which exposed my niece and nephew to some crazy months. She divorced him and married another guy, and divorced him within a year. My niece C, freaked out about the whole thing and started cutting herself to relive the stress. She then quit school at 14 years old, and started smoking. My nephew J also dropped out of school at age 13, and began drinking and smoking.

Four years have now passed and my younger sister S is now living with a guy T who is half her age. He has two children, 7 and 9 years old. And together S and T had 2 boys, one now 2 ½ and the other is 1½ years old. The new guy T doesn’t work, and neither does my sister, so the fighting is ‘normal’. The relationship has to fail soon.

Now in the other corner, we have my sister-in-law A that called today. She recently lost custody of her daughter to another family member who felt A wasn’t taking care of her daughter in the way she thought it should be done. Mostly it was because A doesn’t work, and she is married to my brother F, who doesn’t work either, so they are living in my brothers old burnt out trailer house that sits on the property next to my sisters house. That’s just not a safe environment to raise a child.

Recently the two parties came in contact with each other and a fight quickly ensued to who was the worst parent. A gets pissed off enough that she goes back to her tailor house and grabs a gun. She threatens to shoot S and proceeds to shoot the tires on her truck.

My family lives way out in the country, so there isn’t anyone else around her several miles, but the echoing sound of the gun firing bought everyone out of the house. My brother F sees what A is doing and runs after her, tackling her to the ground and begins fighting her for the weapon. Eventually he takes the gun away from her and they all go back inside. They should be thankful they live where they do, because if they were around here, someone would have went to jail.

That’s where my half-sister J comes back into the picture. J used to be in law enforcement, but couldn’t handle the ‘bullshit’, as she has said many times. The next day, she threatens to have A arrested, and says she knows people. C then jumps into the picture and tells, J she needs to mind her own business. To which S then tells C he needs to mind his own business. Fighting then starts between C and T. Everyone threatens to kill one another and bury the body out back where no one would find them. Things finally calm down when my two young nephews start crying.

Well, that’s the run down on my family until Christmas eve. I just hope someone doesn’t decide to go on a killing spree while I’m out there and make this year the worst Christmas ever.

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas! Stay Safe! Stay Warm!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Running Through Life Sideways

Well...the ride is slowing down...just as long as it doesn't come to a complete stop.. I'll be alright.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Playing Tag with Satan

Today I fucking love being bi-polar!

All the flowers are gone, so I won't be going out at 3am to pick some strangers flowers, it's too damn cold outside. I'm going to stay in my house and drive myself nuts obsessing over making sure everything is just right for Christmas... Thank you Santa for giving me what I ask for.

Let's put some music on and get some shit done!
Give a new meaning to ho ho ho!
List me as naughty twice.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Final Ending

She sat alone in front of the computer, trying to talk herself out of the latest thoughts that were consuming her mind. But she realized there was no hope. No matter where else she tried to take her mind, it ultimately led her back to the only option she felt remained. She would have to die for what she did.

She silently scanned through all the family photos, stopping occasionally to recall fond memories of past Christmas get-togethers. Tears rolled down her pale face as she revisited her favorite photos from the past 20 years. To calm herself, she reached for the bottle of Tequila and poured the last shot into her glass. With one swift motion, she threw the liquid down the back of her throat and swallowed the last of the intoxicating brew.

She wiped away one last tear as she stood up to throw the bottle away. Immediately she felt the effects of the alcohol as dizziness overtook her mind. She tried to shake off the feeling, but she knew death was lurking around, waiting to lead her off into the afterworld where she would finally find peace. In the back of her mind a tiny little voice began talking in rhyme.

No one will see
When the last breath leaves me.

She stood silently listening to the voice, swaying back and forth on unsteady legs. It was almost midnight, and she had already cleaned everything, put things into their proper place; it was now just a waiting game. On the computer she had already written her last words.

To Whom Every Reads This

I won’t be alive when you read this because I’ve set this blog to not post until 2am, and by that time my life will be over. I just wanted to post this so I could say goodbye to everyone, and to tell a few last secrets before I go.

First of all I must confess that my father’s death was not due to a medical condition. I tainted his medication in a way that it caused his death. I’m fairly sure I got away with doing what I did, but there are still days when I feel like I’m still running away from what did so many years ago.

Committing murder is scary even after years have passed, you always wonder if the police are going to discover the real truth. Still, I know I did the right thing. He deserved what he got. He was not a good man, and he couldn’t be allowed to continue doing to others, what he had done to me.

To Trooper Mike
You finished smashing any remaining hope I had. You took that last spark I had, and once that was gone, there was no more fire inside me. I felt dead. If I could go back in time, I would burn your flesh until it turned to ash. Instead, I turned the anger inward on myself, inflicting open wounds on my body. I can’t do this any more.

Now, this must end,
There are no more undamaged areas on my skin.

I can no longer take what all this, and more, has done to my mind. I’m tried of trying to make the voices in my head stop arguing. I just want quiet. People say I’ll go to hell for what I’ve done, and what I’m about to do, but I believe I’ve already been living there for years.

To Law Enforcement
First, I’m sorry for all the trouble I’m about to cause you, but it couldn’t be helped. What I did had to be done. I won’t go into the long explanations of why I did what I did, but just to say I had my reasons. Next, in the backyard there are several graves with bodies of those around me that I killed. I buried my family and those damn fucking dogs that they loved so much. I also killed my neighbor and her dog, mostly because they just got on my nerves. After that you need to go to my sisters, brothers, and my mom’s house. I didn’t bury their bodies, so you might want to get to them before they start making a bad smell.

There’s no one left to grieve over my death, I didn’t want anyone to worry about feeling like they were being left behind. I killed anyone who might have cared.

At 1am tonight, I shall die like all the others. Maybe we will reunited in the afterlife and discuss the option I took. See you all in hell.


She looked at the last few words, “See you all in hell.” Anger consumed her body, and out of frustration, she began repeatedly hitting the wall. She began screaming and picked up the empty bottle of Tequila and threw it against the wall. Pieces of glass shattered everywhere, some bounced back and cut her face and hands. More landed at her bare feet, and when she stepped forward, shards of glass penetrated the soft flesh of her foot.

She picked up another half empty bottle of liquor and began pouring the liquid down her throat. It burned like gasoline going down her windpipe, but she didn’t stop until the bottle was empty. She stumbled as she threw it against the wall, shattering it into a hundred pieces.

The voices returned and began shouting that it was time to leave. She slowly made her way to the front door and unlocked it, so that it would be easier for law enforcement or medical personal to get inside, then she drunkenly staggered back in front of her computer.

The time was 12:34, leaving her less than thirty minutes before the time she had chosen for her death. She smiled as she looked around the room. It was spotless, other than the trail of bloody footprints and broken glass. One of her many voices wanted to clean the mess up right way, but there was no time left.

She picked up a lighter and lit a candle, then a joint. As the smoked rolled passed her nose, she watched the flickering flame of the candle dance in the darkened room. The alcohol, the full bottle of pain medication, and now the joint, sent her mind into another place, and she just laughed at the thought of finally having power over those who have only cause her pain throughout her life.

This was it. She put on her favorite late night slow music, and waited for the darkness to surround her body and take her to another world. As the police drove past her window one last time, she smiled and closed her eyes knowing she would no longer have to deal with psycho thoughts.

December 21, 2012