This is me today.

 

Hidden Areas

For the past several years, I’ve closed the door to Ms Psycho. Problem is, the door is still there and can be opened at any time. Even if I were to nail it shut, a hammer can always be found, and sometimes it's in the hands of someone else. 

My body is getting old and worn out. Yet, if the conditions were right/wrong , my body and mind would respond. Sleep has recently played a big role in how I'm responding to things that irritate me. Like people that can't hold a discussion or disagreement about something, so instead they want to bring up things from my past. Well, fuck you too Mr Perfect cop.. you only know what you see on paper, you don't see the full truth. 

It's not just THEM, it's other people also, like doctors or nurses that say one thing and do another. The hate builds as I envision smashing their faces as hard as I possible can into a wall.... but that's not me any more ... right? 

Pain is my constant companion and there is no relief to be found. I'm too crazy and mentally unstable to have fixed, what needs fixed. So as it nears 1 am, I'm still not able to sleep. No relief is to be found, so I lay here staring at the walls for several more hours, hoping to fall into a sleep deep enough to never awaken from. 

Maybe, I need to visit the old well.