Sunday, April 20, 2008

Dreams of the Past...Why I can't sleep.

Last night, or should I say early this morning, around the time the sun began to slowly peer above the horizon and make its way through a diminutive hole in the foil that covers my bedroom window, I finally drifted into a deep, non-stop dreaming sleep.

While sleeping, my dream took me back to a house that was very analogous to the house I grew up in. I was being held down on a twin bed, in the middle of a room, with a blanket thrown over me and tied down on all the corners so I could not move. Above me I could see the hole that was in the ceiling of my bedroom, but much bigger. As I struggled in my restraints, I was startled by a earsplitting sound of thunder. Lightening clashed loud in the air just above the hole repeatedly as I stared up into the sky above.

After several more frightening rounds of thunder, water began to trickle and then stream down on top of me. The blanket quickly became soaked as a tremendous amount of water began pouring in on top of me, making the blanket cling to my body. I struggled to breathe as the blanket tightened around me, slowly cutting off my air supply. As more water poured down on top of me, I could hear voices in the back ground.

“Quit just laying there! Get your ass up and empty the buckets!!” the voice of my father bellowed through the storm. But as much as I tried to move, I couldn’t. I fiercely struggled as the storm continued to send officious amounts of water down onto my cold, wet body. Over the stentorian storm, I could hear my fathers voice shouting obscenities as thunder crackled above my head.

The room began to fade black and I felt I could no longer breathe, and began trying to gulp in several deep breaths. I struggled and pushed hard against the flowing water and the wet blanket that held me down. I could feel pressure building in my chest, and with one finally push I awoke from my dream around 9:30 am, my heart racing and feeling like I couldn’t breathe for a moment or two.

I could feel the heavy beating of my heart deep inside my chest. As I laid there, I thought I could hear the rain pouring down in a heavy stream outside. Images from my past of growing up, flooded my mind with all consuming thud. I thought about all the endless nights without sleep I had, after a storm had passed over our house. The rain pouring through the hole in the ceiling, and splashing into the large buckets that sat underneath.

I couldn’t sleep then, so how am I suppose to sleep now when I can still hear the rain pouring down around me?

Not wanting to drift back into the intrusive dream, I decided to take a long hot bath. By the time the water had turned cold, I could smell the boys cooking food in the kitchen. Of course they made a mess as always, but managed to make sausage, scrambled eggs, hash browns, and toast. Around noon we made our way to the park for a nice walk through the woods. I even got to take a few good pictures.

Now it’s almost 10pm and I feel exhausted, with no energy, but wide awake. I took a Rozerem that a friend gave me a few of, about 20 minutes ago, so we’ll see if this one is going to work.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

beautiful pictures