Saturday, May 24, 2008

Just Something to Talk About

Wow! It has been crazy this past week. This is going to be a long post, so get yourself some popcorn and sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

Tuesday I woke up with what I first thought was a severe case of Vertigo. If you don’t know what that is look it up, but basically it is a inner ear imbalance, which causes nausea, head spinning, and other symptoms that basically will put you on your ass until it passes. I’ve had it in the past and had to go the ER, but this time I decided to fight it alone.

Problem was this time the symptoms were a little worse and now I’m beginning to believe it might be Ménière's syndrome. I had a complete loss of balance, severe hearing loss in my right ear, along with a loud ringing sensation. Whenever I stood I felt severe dizziness, things seem to be spinning around, I was also had nausea and I broke out in a hard sweat. Guess I should have went to the Doctor, but after two days it finally went away after I took a few Benadryl for sinus and cold, my symptoms ease up enough that I could function.

Thursday I was finally feeling well enough to make it to Wal-Mart to do a little grocery shopping. Since the boys were out of school for the summer, I knew I would have to pick up few extra groceries to keep them fed. Still, before I left the house I decided to take a Reglan to help with the nausea I was still having. Dumb ass me, I forget that the Reglan causes muscle contractions and helps to empty my stomach quicker. So, I’m walking through Wal-Mart and I’m just about finished with my shopping when a cramp slams my lower stomach. It feels like a fart so I begin thinking I can just ease it out while I’m walking down one of the isles. I get about in the middle of one isle and I don’t see any one else, so I start to ease it out, when suddenly an elderly couple begin walking my way. I squeeze my ass cheeks together tightly and continue walking on around to the next isle.

Ahhhh, I think, this isle is completely abandoned, so I secretly smile to myself and walk to the middle of the isle and begin once again to slowly ease out a massive fart that is building deep in my gut. I give a little push and nothing happens, so I try to push a little harder and I suddenly realize... IT IS NOT A FART!! I felt my eyes go wide, and my mind begins screaming RETREAT!! RETREAT!! Now instead of pushing out, I’m trying to suck it back up inside my stomach.

I have just two more isle to go and I’m finished with my shopping, so dumb ass me decides I can wait, but my stomach has another idea. I’m at the fruit isle when my stomach screams at me telling me I need to find a bathroom now!! Ignoring the rest of my shopping I make it as quickly as possible to the front of the store. I see the bathroom sign and begin walking in still tightly squeezing my ass cheeks together. I’ve never been in this bathroom and notice there are two ways I can go, so I begin wondering am I walking into the men’s room? Then my body reminds me of what I’m there for and tells my mind, “ I don’t care if this is the men’s room....YOU HAVE TO SHIT NOW!!”

I hate taking a dump in another toilet other than my own at home, but in an emergency you do what you have to do. One quick push and it was all out and my stomach cramps retreat. I finish and walk out to wash my hands and see another woman, so I smile to myself, thankful that I hadn’t walk into the wrong bathroom.

When I get home from Wal-Mart I find I have a house full of teenage boys. Most of them I knew, but a couple of them were strangers. At first my mind begins thinking, this can’t be good, and what kind of trouble might suddenly happen with that many teen boys. But then my 15-year-old son ask me if it’s okay for them to fill water balloons. My mind relaxes knowing at heart he is still my little boy. They filled up over 200 water balloons, which probably cost my 20 dollars, but they had fun.

After they all got soaked, they came in, changed into dry clothes that they had brought with them, and sat down to play video games. About an hour later after everyone leaves, I get a call from one of the new boys mom who wanted to meet me...before her son spent the night at my house. Even though my son hasn’t said anything to me about someone spending the night, I figure why not...I didn’t know what else to say. I tell her sure it will be okay, and then she goes on asking me one hundred questions. She then tells me her son, who is 16, has never spent a night away from home. WOW!! And I always thought I was protective of my boys. She finally agrees that it will be okay, but she still wants to come by and meet me.

Ten minutes later she shows up and I invite her in. She looks around like she’s expecting to see something horrible, but after a long look around she smiles and agrees that it will be okay for her son to stay the night at my house. I felt like I was being inspected. I guess its good to know that my house was proper enough for her. We step back outside and continue talking about the boys for another 15 minutes before the rest of the boys return with their with camping gear and over night bags. This is when I’m finally told by my son that all his friends want to spend the night in tents in the backyard. I have the hardest time saying no to people, especially my boys, and so I agreed.

They set up the tents, then play a little basketball in the backyard before coming inside to play video games and munch on some pop and chips. Around this time my next door neighbor calls me and wants to know if I want a frozen margarita...sure bring one over I tell her. I finish my drink in about 20 minutes, and my head is already being to feel the effects. She asks if I want another, and decide why not, so we head over to her place for another one. The boys are old enough and I felt they could safely keep themselves entertained for a little while, so I stay at her house and finish off a second drink.

The second one was stronger than the first one, plus I’m drinking it through a straw, quickly so I can go back and check in on the boys. I stumble over to my house and look in to see them all still playing videos games. Back to my friends house I went, for yet another drink and to smoke in her backyard. By the time I finish the third drink, I beginning to notice my face feels numb, and everything is suddenly funny as hell.

When I do drink, I usually stay in a good mood as long as there is no jackass around to put me in a bad mood. Between the drinking and smoking, I begin telling my friend about my little problem I had a Wal-Mart. We both begin laughing so hard, that if the neighbors had been awake they would have heard our roars of laughter clearly. My friend then tells me she had the same problem the other day, but when she pushed a little too hard she made a nasty mess on herself. Again the laughter rang out loudly throughout the night air, and I didn’t care that all the laughing was making my sides hurt and my cheeks to felt great.

We went inside for a 4th drink, when a Junebug landed on my exposed big toe. I immediately sling my foot skyward, sending the little bugger flying across the room, smacking into the cabinet with a loud thud. We roar with laughter. It amazes me how little things like that are so funny when intoxicated.

Around 2:00am, I cautiously make it back to my house to put the boys in their tents for the night. And of course my drunk mind thinks it will be cool to get online and post some crazy shit. I posted one blog without correcting any of my mistakes and decided to leave it up, but just a couple minutes after that post, I thought of more shit to say. Problem was, it was some things I should have really kept to myself. I’m sorry if I pissed anyone off, I was just drunk and talking crazy shit. When I read that post this morning I quickly removed it, before anyone else could read it. In all there were only 8 other people who read the post, and only 3 were from around in the Tulsa County area. If you were one of the people I mentioned in the post...forgive me...I meant no was just the drunk in me letting off a little steam.

I have more to say, but I’ll save it until the next post, this one has already gotten to be too damn long. Hope everyone has a safe holiday weekend.

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