Thursday, March 13, 2008

Depression and Dreams

Depression comes, depression goes, and I have no idea why. Sometimes, I suddenly break out of it through mysterious dreams that wake my whole spirit up. Those are the unexpected blessings, no more to be explained than the sudden recurrence of this illness.

There are frightening dreams as well when I may be wandering through dark halls and rooms of enormous houses, mansions or castle-like structures. Usually, I open doors in growing fear, sensing that I am about to come upon someone or something that will kill me. I may follow a stranger from room to room until he turns and stares at me with death in his eyes. I run from that, if I can, but never find a way out of the great buildings and wake in terror at the moment of my inevitable destruction. These are fitting images of being lost in depression, seeing nothing but darkness and always fearing the worst.

But occasionally a powerful dream will help me break out of that pattern and recover, at least for a short time.

1 comment:

Malice Blackheart said...

I’m always amazed at how much closer dreams can take you to your fear center than reality. I think it’s because we know ourselves better than anyone else does. So when you pull back that curtain, or open that door, and you’re saying to yourself, “please don’t be my worst fear,” that’s exactly what you uncover. The subconscious can be very cruel that way. It knows your fears, and shows no mercy. I’ve almost died a few times now, but none of those times came as close to scaring me as the fears from my dreams.