New Plans

Most of the time I tend to only write when I’m feeling stressed, or sad, so when things are going good, I just don’t really feel the need to say anything. I guess that’s how it’s been the past week or so. Things are finally going good...anyway at least for the moment. Plus I’ve been really busy putting my plan in motion...hehe.

I was finally able to get all my legal problems taken care of so I can be ‘legal’ again. No more sneaking around, wondering if at any given moment I would be arrested. It was hard to breathe then...it’s much easier now. I’m able to take in deeps breaths one at a time, and enjoy it while I’m relaxing. I’m no longer carrying a weapon with me at all times, like I have for the past three years. It actually feels good going out and not thinking about it always being there to comfort me.

Cutting has become an addiction for me since the first time I laid open my skin when I was only 12 years old. At 40 years old, I still get the same rush that I got from cutting my very first time. But now that I’ve put my plan in gear, there will no more cutting, no more marijuana, and hopefully no more arrest. I’m too fucking old to keep getting locked up over dumb shit.

I now feel like I’m a part of my boys life again, and I don‘t want to mess that up. I’m spending more time with them and enjoying what little bit of time that I may have left. This next week I’m taking them to Lake Keystone for a day at the lake to let them just be boys for their last few remaining years before they become fully grown men and leave home. It feels good being able to do things for them again.

I finally had a CT scan done last week, not surprisingly, everything thing looked okay. But I already had the feeling it was going to come out okay, because I felt I had figured out what the problem was. I wasn’t having symptoms until an hour to two after taking some meds in the evening. My hearing loss was almost at complete loss on my right side. For some reason, I suspected it was the Zyrtec that I was taking, and I was right. It took me about a week to get it all out of my system, but my hearing returned to normal, my depression felt better, I didn’t feel dizzy, and I didn’t feel as hungry as I did after taking the Zyrtec. I still have to have a few more test done, but I think they are going to turn out just fine.

Right now, I feel good. I’m down 16 pounds. That’s not much, but it’s a good start. I guess three years of inactivity will do that to a person. I just have to really watch myself now, because I keep spending a lot of time outside in the pool, causing myself to get sun burnt several times now. My white ass burns too damn easy.

The other thing is...I won’t be spending as much time online posting crazy ass stories and such...law enforcement should be happy. I’ll be outside enjoying what little time I may have left on this earth.

It's time for the other person inside of me to step to the front of the class.

Hope everyone has a great week!!!