Think of the worst, wish for the best

I have had a off and on ringing noise in my right ear since I was a teen. A lot of people have this problem...it’s tinnitus I thought, so no big deal...I just have to learn how to deal with the noise. Most of the time to combat the ringing sound I usually blocked it out with loud music, or at night have the sound of a fan in my ear. That’s why I usually drive around town with my music in my car louder than what most people would. If you had this problem you would understand, and maybe even ask to turn the music up a little louder. When I was a teen, I couldn’t fall asleep unless I had the sound of a radio playing in the background. Slowly, I’ve just gotten use to the noise.

Recently this noise has slowly become a roar, and now it’s a pulsating washing machine sound. Kinda like blood being pumped by your ear. In the morning it’s not very bad, but by night time, it has intensified to the point that it causes me to have nausea and makes me feel dizzy. I’ve had vertigo before, so I have already ruled that out. I thought it might be Meniere’s syndrome, but now I’m not sure what to think.

I broke down last Friday and went to the doctor, who did exactly what I figured she would, put me on more medicine, and even increased what I was already taking. But the worst part was after I told her all my symptoms, she thinks I might have a tumor. I guess maybe that explains why here recently I suddenly get a sharp intense headache for no reason. She says it could also be that I had a mild stroke, or my heart could be giving me problems. Whatever it is, she wants me to have several test done within the next week or so.

Yesterday I went in for blood work and urine test. My symptoms were so severe that she wanted me to go to the ER and get fully checked out. But that would mean getting admitted to the hospital. Fuck that!! I don’t feel like spending hours in the ER and then days in the hospital just so they can run some test quicker. I have learned how to live with the lower sound, I will just have to deal with this louder sound until the doctor’s nurse makes me an appointment somewhere in Tulsa in the next couple of weeks or so. Until then, it’s time for a song or two....three....four.

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Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. -- Thomas Edison