I've been struggling with an illness,
At least that's what I'm told.
It seems that no one can agree,
And I'm just getting old.
It's only supposed to matter
How I really feel, they've said.
But somehow without a label
I'm lost inside my head.
I guess I'll keep on trudging
And dutifully swallowing the pills.
Until somehow they find a "cure"
For whatever are my ills.
Where does one call truce
in the battle with the mind,
forever tweaking medicines
to improve the
quality of life?
When does one settle
for a shell of a former "you,"
and stop striving to improve the
quality of life?
I raise the white flag
I am so tired...
Dark, cold, black, tranquil….
It calls to me like an old friend.
The darkness should frighten me…
Run, flee, far away from the evil one.
My legs are filled with lead.
I remain, knowing what is ahead.
Too weak to fight,
Finally, it comes.
Tender arms engulfing me,
Floating, no pain.
If you're overly excited, You're happy;
If I'm overly excited, I'm manic.
If you imagine the phone is ringing, You're stressed out;
If I'm imaging the phone is ringing, I'm psychotic.
If you're crying and sleeping all day, You're sad and need time out;
If I'm crying and sleeping all day, I'm depressed and need to get up.
If you're afraid to leave your house at night, You're cautious;
If I'm afraid to leave my house at night, I'm paranoid.
If you speak your mind and express any opinions, You're assertive;
If I speak my mind and express my opinions, I'm aggressive.
If you don't like something and mention it, You're being honest;
If I don't like something and mention it, I'm being difficult.
If you get angry, You're considered upset;
If I get angry, I'm considered dangerous.
If you over re-act to something, You're sensitive;
If I over re-act to something, I'm out of control.
If you don't want to be around others,
You're taking care of yourself and relaxing;
If I don't want to be around others,
I'm isolating myself and avoiding.
If you talk to strangers, You're being friendly;
If I talk to strangers, I'm being inappropriate.
For all of the above, you're not told to take a pill or be put in the hospital;
But I am.