Manic Thoughts

I've been struggling with an illness,
At least that's what I'm told.
It seems that no one can agree,
And I'm just getting old.

It's only supposed to matter
How I really feel, they've said.
But somehow without a label
I'm lost inside my head.

I guess I'll keep on trudging
And dutifully swallowing the pills.
Until somehow they find a "cure"
For whatever are my ills.

Where does one call truce
in the battle with the mind,
forever tweaking medicines
to improve the
quality of life?

When does one settle
for a shell of a former "you,"
and stop striving to improve the
quality of life?

I raise the white flag
of surrender.
I am so tired...

Dark, cold, black, tranquil….

It calls to me like an old friend.

The darkness should frighten me…

Run, flee, far away from the evil one.

My legs are filled with lead.

I remain, knowing what is ahead.

Too weak to fight,

Relinquishment.

Finally, it comes.

Tender arms engulfing me,

Floating, no pain.

No light.

No sound.

Nothingness.

Peace…….at last.

If you're overly excited, You're happy;

If I'm overly excited, I'm manic.

If you imagine the phone is ringing, You're stressed out;

If I'm imaging the phone is ringing, I'm psychotic.

If you're crying and sleeping all day, You're sad and need time out;

If I'm crying and sleeping all day, I'm depressed and need to get up.

If you're afraid to leave your house at night, You're cautious;

If I'm afraid to leave my house at night, I'm paranoid.

If you speak your mind and express any opinions, You're assertive;

If I speak my mind and express my opinions, I'm aggressive.

If you don't like something and mention it, You're being honest;

If I don't like something and mention it, I'm being difficult.

If you get angry, You're considered upset;

If I get angry, I'm considered dangerous.

If you over re-act to something, You're sensitive;

If I over re-act to something, I'm out of control.

If you don't want to be around others,

You're taking care of yourself and relaxing;

If I don't want to be around others,

I'm isolating myself and avoiding.

If you talk to strangers, You're being friendly;

If I talk to strangers, I'm being inappropriate.

For all of the above, you're not told to take a pill or be put in the hospital;

But I am.