Monday, April 10, 2006

My Dream

This is a dream that I've had over and over again every since I was around the age of 12. Sometimes I go months, and sometimes years without having this dream, but when I begin to get stressed the dream comes strong, hard and fast.

I close my eyes to sleep and I move into a new world. The shadows of nightfall appear and a different reality begins to surface. I float away into the peace of the night, as imagines manifest into patterns, impossible to conceive in the awake mind.

I stand before a huge mirror with a fanciful swirling patterns and bright red rubies in each corner. I'm looking deep into the eyes of someone I know. It look's like me, but still, it isn't quite me. A hand suddenly appears from beyond and I am pulled forth into thick clinging fog. I'm not sure where I am and I feel confused. The air is thick and the smell burns my nose. As I begin to walk into the unknown, I trip over a trashcan lying on its side. I could see maggots, flies and sickly looking mice, scurrying out of the way, as I tumble and hit the ground with a heavy thud. I stood up, wiping the dirt from my now torn clothing. I could see trashcans scattered all over the abandoned streets. They were all full with rotted trash, most spilling out over the ground; others were lying on their sides, with rodents and cat's together eating everything and anything they touched. I wanted to run, but to where? There was no place to go; my heart sank. I felt a heavy cold gust of air push up around me and I rose into the air, then back down to the ground.

Enjoying the feeling, I lifted my arms high into the air, then took a giant leap and bounced high above the street below. I remained in the air taking more leaps and bounds across the sky. My heart raced, as the feeling of maybe falling and smashing into the earth took over my mind. I took several deep breaths and begin to calm myself as I slowly began to descend. I could see a ruined city below me. I floated at tree level, looking at the mass destruction that stretched out for miles. I looked into the sky and spotted the sun hidden by dark still-less clouds.

I closed my eyes in shame and took a step down onto the ground. I began walking up to my old school. I could tell it hadn't change. The grass was mowed, the yard was clean, and the building was in good shape. The only thing missing was the front door. I walked down the long hallway. As I passed, windows shattered, pieces of the walls crumbled and smashed to the floor. I walked faster becoming frightened. I stopped in front of my 5th grade classroom. I looked inside then walked over and sat down at a desk I sat in when I was in school. The chair was small and made me feel very uncomfortable. I began to shake and felt the need to escape. I tried to get up, but I was hit on the back of my hand. My hand stung even more as a board came smashing down hard on my hand again. I looked up and saw a person that looked like me with a board in their hand, raised high in the air. I stood, knocking over the desk as I confronted the image that looked like me. I looked into the crying eyes, staring deep trying to see something. My eyes broke free from the stare just as the board came down again from behind me. This time I was hit across the back of my head and shoulders. I stumbled and fell to the floor. I could hear the laughter of the 'others' as they appeared to tower over and all around me. I could hear the strange image laughing louder than all the others. I wanted to scream out for everyone to please just leave me alone.

With tears in my eyes, I stood and leaped into the air with one giant leap and landed far away on the ground. I began running over a hill, grabbing at the weeds and grass, pulling myself along faster and faster. I ran to the top of the hill, stopped turned and looked back down to where I had came from. Gunshots rang out from a distance. I could see hundreds of uniformed officers chasing me. They called out for me to stop, but instead I took off running again, across wide-open fields. In one corner of the field, I could see a square shaped castle and quickly made my way to the door. It was old; weeds, grass and brush overtook the entire courtyard. I quickly ran inside and slammed the huge door shut behind me. Inside the ceiling was so low that I could stretch my arms above my head and palm the ceiling. The walls, the ceiling and the floor were all painted a deep solid black. Dolls sat in corners, on black shelves. Unknown forces were manipulating puppets hanging from strings. I walked further into the darkness, beyond the dolls and puppets and saw ferocious looking animals entangled in chains and ropes. Their cries for freedom rang through my ears. I began ripping and pulling at the ropes and chains, freeing the beasts. They ran past me into the darkness from where I had just come from. The more I freed the more animals I saw. I couldn't get to them all and became frantic as their cries rang out louder and louder. Sweat rolled down my face, quickly soaking the front of my shirt, as I continued to work faster and faster. I wanted to quit and give up, so I closed my eyes, looking for some relief. When I reopened my eyes, the animals were gone, but now it was me that was bound with the ropes and chains. I couldn't move, I struggled to be free but couldn't gain my freedom. I felt someone pushing me hard from behind through several opening doors, each one leading into more darkness. The ropes and chains were now handcuffs tightly placed around my wrist. They were getting tighter and tighter as I walked, slowly cutting into my flesh. Dark red blood trickled down my arms. I could take no more and began to fight back against the images that held me. I slung my arms out violently, snapping the cuffs and hitting the others that held me tight. I struggled against them as if I were engaged in a battle for my life. I cried out for someone to please help me. I felt a light from above surrounded me, then I looked down and my body was fully covered in armor. A shield was over my eyes. The armor clacked when I took a step forward. Afraid to look at me, the others became frightened and began to flee.

From the darkness, four huge balloons floated before my face. I grabbed a hold of the string and I am lifted out of the armor, high into the air. I felt a sense of relief and let go of the balloon string. I began to twist and spiral down to the ground. I hit with a hard thump and lay there not moving, barely breathing. My mouth and nose was bleeding and my bones felt broken. I couldn't move and closed my eyes. I 'awoke' in the back of an old bumpy truck, being driven by people that I thought I knew, but still I wasn’t sure. They were taking me to the hospital telling me everything was going to be okay. Inside nurses and doctors rushed hurriedly around me, tending to my every need, but with deep sadness in their eyes, I could see it wasn’t meant to be. A man dressed fully in black, holding an hourglass, stood before me. The sand in the hourglass had stopped falling. I wanted to reach out and turn it back over, but in my heart, I knew my time was at an end. A casket lay in the ground. I looked up to see many officers standing around and people I didn’t know. I felt everyone’s deep sadness, as red dirt was being thrown in on top of a huge black coffin.

Tears welled up and I took off running, and then leaped high into the air. At first I didn't think I would stay afloat, but the more leaps I took, the higher I went into the air. I looked down and I could still see the shadowy figures of the people I knew and many I did not. Tears flowed and I leaped higher and higher into the air as I watched myself getting smaller and smaller. I flew beyond space until I was no longer there, and I felt at peace.

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