Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I'm Going to Commit Murder!

All my life I’ve had a dog of some sort. Most all of them have been mixed breed dogs that someone was wanting to give away, and me being the nice person that I am, I gladly take the dog into my home. I provided everything I possible could to make their lives, and mine, enjoyable. I also like having a pet around for protection and entertainment.

After my boys reached a certain age they of course wanted a dog, and again I gladly gave into their adorable little 5 year old smiles. But then something would happen, like the dog running away, it gets hit by a car, or someone steals it, etc...Then there have been a few dogs that have crossed my path, that have caused a part of me to loathe dogs on the most extreme level. That is where MsPsycho took over and did what had to be done.

Okay, so let me step aside, and I’ll let MsPsycho’s invade your world for a few minutes. Warning MsPsycho tends to use profanities quite frequently, so if you are offended by someone using vulgar language, I suggest you read no further.

I can’t fucking stand dogs! And I’m going to tell you why! First of all, they stink! No matter how often, or what type of dog shampoo you use, in the end they all still smell like something crawled onto their bodies and died. Next, dog hair everywhere! It’s on my floors, carpet, rubbed against the side of my sofa (since I don’t fucking allow them on the couch), all over the bathroom where they’ve been giving a bath, and sometimes I even find the shit on my kitchen countertops! Guess who has to clean all this shit up! ME! It doesn’t just magically disappear on its own!

Allergies! I hate sneezing all the liquid out my nose after they’ve been in the house rolling around on my carpet. Then I can’t breathe right until I’ve taken some type of pill that is more than likely going to leave me feeling ‘not quite right’ for the next few hours.

So, you say just leave them outside... Right? Wrong! Outside all they do is bark when the wind blows a little too hard! Then they start digging at the ground and the fence trying to get at whatever they are barking at. Eventually they make it out on a day when nobody is at home, and I get a fine for DOG BEING AT LARGE. There goes a fucking $100 dollars and time spent in court!

After their little escape to freedom, I get both Labs back inside my privacy fence, and almost pass out from the horrendous smell that is now on my hands from touching them. I know they’ve been doing that upside down back rub across some animal that has been laying dead in the street for days. Maybe that makes them feel special when they do that? Fucking stinks to me bitch!

I give them food and water, and then proceed for the billionth time to replace the broken boards to the back fence. There goes money for food, new boards and nails for the fence, dog shampoo for the bath, water to wash them both, carpet cleaner and carpet shampoo to get rid of the smell they brought back with them that lingers like a huge TURD that just won’t flush. And I still have to pay the fucking court ticket!

Oh, and don’t forget about all the time this is consuming!

Since I have a male and female, I have had to deal with puppies. Which is fun to a certain point, but even that becomes a pain in the ass when the puppies reach a certain age and you have to find homes for all of them. To make sure this doesn’t happen again, I have to come up with money to have my dog spayed. She comes in heat two days before the surgery, and I have to make sure - Mr my dick is so hard that I’m going to fucking die if I don’t get to fuck that female bitch,- my male dog doesn’t get her pregnant before I have a chance to get her fixed.

TWO days of him howling to get inside. I throw water on his face, smack him with a broom handle, threaten him with my voice, etc.. NOTHING WORKS! I’m thinking about a shock collar, but is that too cruel? At this point, I don’t give a damn.

Finally the day of surgery. After only a couple hours of sleep, I get up at 5:30am, get dressed, load the dog into my car, and drive to a clinic on the other side of Tulsa to drop her off at 7am. I’m told it won’t be until around 4 or 5pm before she will be ready to go home, so I spend the day out picking up a few Christmas leftovers in Sand Springs. (I don’t live in Sand Springs, but I love stalking a few people over there.)

Around 2pm, I return to the house. I go into psycho mode the moment I walk in the door and see what my male lab has done to my backdoor. He has spent the entire day chewing and gnawing at the solid wood door until he had managed to make a hole large enough for him to squeeze his 90+ pound body under the door. When he sees me, he knows he’s in trouble, and immediately goes to his doghouse and lays down inside with only a part of his face sticking out to look around.

The temperature that day was below freezing, and inside my house the heater was blowing full blast, but it had little effect on the temperature of the room. I left my jacket on and found what I could to block the cold air from turning my fingertips blue. I made a quick dash to the lumber store and brought a large piece of metal to cover the opening, and then went to pick up my female lab who had come through surgery okay.

After making the needed repairs that evening, I laid down for some much need rest, leaving my male dog outside and the female inside for one week. Since she is still in heat, I have to keep the two dogs separated so he doesn’t cause her serious injury after the surgery. The next morning I was awaken by the sound of my female lab barking loudly in the other room. I jump up quickly thinking she may need to use the bathroom, and walk into the front room. There stands my male dog! He has cuts all over his face and paws where he dug, bit, pawed at the metal on the door until he was able to rip it open. Just to get to the PUSSY!

Another trip to Sutherlands! This time for more metal, new boards, screws, etc.. To complete the job. It was that, or spend a hundred dollars for a brand new door, and hope like hell I could put it up by myself. God only fucking knows, NOBODY else but me, is going to fucking fix the goddamn thing!

I chain my male lab up outside near his doghouse, and have to listen to him howl like someone is beating him with a hammer for the next five days! I want to end this dogs life! I have had NO restful sleep! Sleep a minute, listen to him howl, yell at him to shut up and go lay down. Sleep for two minutes, howling begins again. Let him howl until I’m sure the neighbors will soon be complaining. Fuck them! I’m complaining! I get up and toss a glass of water in his face and tell him again to be quiet. Nothing works!

I’m so exhausted I’m beginning to have some more than usually fucked up thoughts tossing around in my brain. If I don’t get some god damn sleep soon, I don’t think I’m going to be able to hold back my impulses. FIVE DAYS of this bullshit! I want to end this mother fuckers life with my bare hands.

And I would if it were up to me, but the owner of this body might really be upset if I were to do something psycho that caused her to do jail time. So, for now I will retreat back behind the black curtains until I’m needed again.


Coffeypot said...

First of all I know your feelings when it comes to dogs. I love’em, adopted 4, foster some occasionally and transport twenty or so dogs each month to NY.

Secondly, how come I am just now finding you? I was looking over my follower icons and saw yours. You snuck in on me, never commented and may not even be lurking anymore. I can’t blame you as I am not a writer, but if you do stop by, say something.

I will be coming back here as I enjoy a good read and you are definitely a writer. I also checked out your other sites, too. Like’em!

MsPsycho said...

Thanks for stopping by coffeypot.

I have my days when I will spend hours surfing around reading others blog post, and if I find something interesting I will usually follow them. So I must have found something interesting on your site or I wouldn't have added you.

On days when I have time, I go back and check out everyone. Sometimes I post a comment, sometimes I don't, but I try to at least stop by.

I'm glad you enjoy my writing. Sometimes I don't feel like a writer, but I feel the need to free my mind, and writing lets me do that.

Hope you have a great day.

Anonymous said...

I feel ya.. sometimes you lov'em, sometimes you hate'em.

Cabbie Joe said...

OMG! You are a riot,don't hold back tell us how you really feel! hahaha
I love your post!

Anonymous said...

omg. You are a Completely Irresponsible Pet Owner to not have them fixed young and trained from day one. Hitting and beating a dog with objects is not how you teach an animal anything. Your labs must be absolutely miserable and quaking with insecurity and anxiety. You are a poor excuse for a human.

MsPsycho said...

To Anonymous: Relax my dogs are fine. I've had my male since he was a puppy and he is well trained... just a little naughty sometimes. I didn't feel the need to have my male fixed because he was my only dog and stayed indoors most all the time.

About a year ago I got my female lab after she had been abandoned. We didn't have her fixed at that time because she was already pregnant. We decided to let her have the puppies instead of terminating the pregnancy, and find people who would take care of them. I just didn't know at the time that she would have 10 puppies. It was hard to find homes for that many, but I did because I chose to take on that responsibility.

After I found all the puppies a good home, I called to make an appointment to have her fixed. I couldn't get in until almost 2 months later. By that time she had come in heat again and I didn't know until I saw her locked up with my male.

I quickly found homes for the lab puppies and made sure she didn't get pregnant before I got her fixed. Hope that settles that.

The water causes no harm, and the smack with the broom handle was more of a tap of 'no to the back of the hand'. He was not harmed in any way.

This blog was more of a release of stress that I was feeling after not having but a few hours of sleep in several days.

Believe what you wish, but I assure you my pets are fine.... for now...hehe.