Saturday, January 23, 2010

Son-of-Bitch! I Got a Speeding Ticket

Son-of-bitch! I got a damn speeding ticket for doing 50mph in a 25mph zone while driving past the police department. I was on my way to the school to pay money on my son’s lunch account on Thursday, when suddenly the extreme urge to relieve the 4 cups of coffee and 2 diet cokes I had consumed since 9am that morning washed over my body. It brought out the little nine year old girl in me that stands there jumping up and down holding her hands between her legs trying to prevent herself from peeing everywhere.

I pushed the gas pedal down a little faster, and at some point I’m not really watching my speed any longer. My brain is repeating the words, ‘you need to pee‘, ’you need to pee’, then my mind flashes again on a little girl bouncing up and down, squeezing her legs together. I turn the corner with a half pause and roll on quickly past the school.

I look up and notice lights in my rearview mirror. My mind runs full throttle trying to figure out where the hell he came from. The need to urinate was ruling my thoughts enough that I guess I just didn’t look in my rearview mirror. My reaction was to quickly pull over, because at first I thought the officer was on a call and I just needed to move out of his way so I could circle back around to my house. Wrong!

He whips in behind me, and my heart races when I realize he is stopping me. For what I didn’t quite know yet, but I knew it was going to be for something that was later going to cost me a lot of money and time. He told me I was doing 55mph in a 25mph zone. Wow! Really wasn’t paying much attention. Then he ask if there was a reason I was going so fast. I didn’t lie. I told him I had to pee really bad, and then I began bouncing up and down again like that nine year old girl.

I don’t know the officers name, but at least he was pleasant and wrote me out the ticket quickly. Maybe it’s because they all know I’m a teeny bit psycho, and they would rather not stir up any problems. Who knows... When I think about it now, all I can see is that hidden grin they all have when I look them in the face. Maybe its the sex stories....hehe.

Anyway, now I have to figure out how to come up with the money to pay this damn ticket and the dog ticket. Looks like I’ll be doing a lot of dick sucking for awhile, or else I’ll have to call thief out of hiding and let her take control for a brief period of time. Shit!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Why would you drink that much liquid? I would pee all over myself if I had that much in me. I would have done the same thing and even ran a few stop signs if I had to go bad.

Cops suck! They've never given me a break.

Cabbie Joe said...

You should have sat in his car while he wrote out the ticket...and then let it go. ;)

Grace said...

That does suck! I once got a ticket in my own driveway! For running a stop sign in my neighborhood. Hello! Aren't there people out there commiting "real" crimes???
You should have asked him if you could go pee while he writing the ticket!

GregoryJ said...

Can you fight it? Some places if the police officer doesn't show up in court, they throw it out. Or maybe you'll get an understanding judge.

MsPsycho said...

I drank that much because I had been awake for most of the past several days in a row. If I didn't have all that caffeine, I would have crashed like an airplane falling out of the sky.

The ticket sucks, but in the end it was my fault. Guess I was owed one for all the other times I didn't get caught speeding.


It was just a relief to make it home without sneezing or hitting a huge bump and letting it all go in my car.

Thanks for stopping by everyone!

Bernie Burawski said...

Enjoyed reading about your experience. I think you are very NORMAL! Anyway, just thought I'd wish you a great day today and everyday....

CI-Roller Dude said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

@Grace I'm sure that not stopping at the stop sign had nothing to do with you getting the ticket.

W. Butler said...

@Grace I'm sure you failing to stop at the stop sign had nothing to do with you getting the ticket.