Monday, October 19, 2009

ROAD TO HAPPINESS: (Under Construction)

First off, update on my spider bite. My regular doctor sent me to a specialist at the Women’s Breast Center, where they removed a piece of dead tissue about the size of a half-dollar from my left breast. I now have a open wound that will heal shut with time, but it will leave a scar. (Pictures at the bottom of post.)

On to a thought or two...

Time has a sneaky way of slipping past a person when they aren’t looking. When you are young, you’re carefree, frolicking through the life with no thought to the next moment. As a teen you become invincible, and somehow you know the answers to everything. In your 20s and 30s you don’t really have much time to think about anything, you just move along, trying to make it to the next day. When you hit your 40s, something changes and you realize you are probably at the half-way point in your life. It’s that mid-life crisis thing, and you’re convinced everything from there on has to go downhill. Anyway, that’s how my life has been.

Some of the more recent things that have happened in my life has caused me to seek out old companions, just to see where their life is now compared with mine. It’s been interesting reacquainting myself with some of the people I went to high school with on facebook, but its also sad thinking about the fact that it has been 25 years since I saw any of them. Time has blinked away, leaving nothing but memories...some good, some bad.

High school was rough. Not just on me, but others had their own demons to deal with. I guess I was just to busy dealing with my own demons to notice how the smartest kid in school had parents that were janitors at the school, and he felt shame because of that. He pushed himself hard after high school, fearing he would turn out to be no better than a janitor or a dishwasher. I never really noticed or thought it was that big of a deal, but it was to him. That’s why he fought hard to become someone better, someone who ran his own company, and then paid others to clean up after him. It took him 25 years of fighting to keep the demons at bay, but he finally won. He says he’s now truly happy.

There are days when I wish I could find the kind of happiness that he proclaims he is now experiencing. When I really think about it, my life hasn’t been 100% horrible, tragic, or devastating beyond recovery. I have had my days when I wished to end it all, but somehow I made it past those days, and was later truly thankful that I did. I will probably always have psycho thoughts, but I will deal with them when they occur. For now, things are quiet.

Spider bite before dead tissuse was removed.

After dead tissue was removed.
Picture from 2 days ago.


Kathy said...

OMG I hate hate hate spiders!
I'm so sorry you got bitten, that would drive me right up the wall!

The Artsy Rat said...

Oh it looks nasty and I hope it heals completely- soon! Yikes. I dig what you are saying about the Facebook thing, I passed on my 25th class reunion this year. But I do like looking at pics of former class mates, however I've only "reached" out to one who is happy and successful and makes me smile. I do have this twisted desire to track down X and see what he is up to, but I hate his guts so why do I care??? I don't know!

Kimberly said...

Omg...that bite looks awful & I don't facebook.

MsPsycho said...

It SUCKS being bitten! Its been around a month since I got bit, and the wound is about the size of quarter now, but is still an open sore on my breast. They say it may take up to a year to fully heal.

I'm about to give up facebook computer always freezes when I go to that site. It was nice for a moment getting re-aquainted with some of the people I want to high school with, but there are some I could care less about.

Thanks everyone for stopping by my site.