Thursday, August 17, 2006

Locked up in my own prison.

I knew it was coming…you know what I mean…something bad was going to happen. How did I know? Because every time something good happens that makes me smile, there is always something bad waiting to pounce on me like a tiger on it’s prey. It’s always just around the corner. Some people would call it Karma, but for it to be karma, I feel you have to first be doing something bad. How do you explain bad things happening to a person who never did anything wrong? From ages 1 thru 10 I can’t remember doing anything that would justify what was done to me. So now as an adult I’m suppose to believe that if I do something wrong Karma will come after me? Personally if that is the case, then I think karma owes me a few good times.
After several years of paying for a car I thought I had to have, I finally managed to pay it off. Now that it’s all broke down and in need of repair, it’s all mine. So I’m happy thinking about the extra money I will soon have. I decide to use a little money and purchase a few scratch off lottery tickets, and hooray!!! I won a total of 60 dollars. Not much but enough to make me smile. (I really have to search hard to find those moments in my life.) The really nice part came when for whatever reason, I was finally able to get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I was feeling on top of the world. I spent a little time cleaning out my pool, and took a nice swim all alone…uninterrupted!!! It was a glorious day.

Then came the leg sweep, the slap to the face, the kick to my ribs, the check move. I was on my way to pick up dinner for everyone when I passed Mr. Asshole, I own the world, I’m better than you will ever be, perfect life, perfect wife, everything will be done my way, Police Officer R. Rains. I saw him out of the corner of my eye but refused to make eye contact with him. But he sure took a good long hard look at me, and immediately turned around and tried to get in behind me. One truck blocked his path which allowed me a few minutes to get a little distance in-between him and me. Still he knew where I went and continued to follow me to the store. He parked across the street in another parking lot, and watched my every move. Still he did not stop me. I made it on to McDonalds to pick up a few burgers, and then made my way back to the house. As I neared my driveway I spotted him sitting across the highway, and of course as soon as he spotted me heading towards the house he dropped in behind me. I made it up to the house before he hit his lights, but called me back out to his car. He had me sit in the front seat of his car as he called me in. I listen to what came back over the radio, and just waited for him to tell me to step out of the car, so he could put the cuffs on me.

Instead he said he decided to be a nice guy, and wouldn’t take me to jail, but he didn’t want to see me driving around town again.

So now I can’t go anywhere without someone else taking me. I’ve been inside for so many days that I want to throw up. I want out of the house, alone, wind blowing through my hair, feasting my eyes on something other than the white walls that surround me.

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