Thursday, October 29, 2015

Last Breath

One more down, a voice whispered in my ear. Another voice whispered, let’s go get another one.

As the day drawls closer, I continue to have visions that are better seen in a made up horror movie. Taking three steps, lifting my arm out straight with gun in hand, pointing it at their head, I pull the trigger, and then I calmly walk away, get in my car and drive to the next target. One by one, I see the bodies fall.

People kill for different reasons, money, greed, anger, but for me, I think its revenge. I consider it a valid thing to do in some cases. The legal system fails by locking up the non-violent offenders, and those that rape, and commit other heinous crimes remain free.  So why not give to them and little of what they have been giving.

I can’t adjust to the ‘crazy pills’, so for now I have stopped taking them. Right now everything seems to be in a fog, life feels unreal. I want to cut to bring myself back to some sort of normal, but yet I don’t. I’ve thought about getting another tattoo, but I don’t have enough money for that. A couple year ago a good friend offered to pay for a large tattoo on my right arm…she said it would help me stop wanting to cut, so I thought why not.  I haven’t cut since then. It has been almost 2 years. The longest I’ve gone without cutting since I was 6 years old.  I was hoping I could save up enough money to get another one and then I wouldn’t be tempted to cut, but that is not going to happen now. 

I'm going to postpone my last breath as long as possible and try to keep one more secret to myself. 

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