Welcome to My Breakdown
yeah... it sucks! So much pain and hurt...
I get there sometimes, not often, but sometimes. I just try to say on the right side of the boarder. I do look on the other side, but not ready to go there.
I have just arrived here via.... I don't remember. An addiction blog of sorts I am sure. I have just spent the better part of my day reading back over your posts.Every person is different, yet we have similarities that bond us. I think it is safe to say that I have walked in your shoes at some points.I worry if I will be able to maintain my sanity when my children are older. I am sure I would not be here without them. I am bipolar and choose to live free of any antidepressants or psychotic or other psych rx meds.I however cannot use marijuana at all. It has the opposite effect on me as most people. It disrupts my calm, sends racing thoughts of corruption, conspiracy, and confusion racing at insane speeds through my mind. It makes me hallucinate and wish for death.If meth was legal I would probably have a life long "dependence" on it, but for the sake of my freedom and to keep my children, I am clean.Anyway, don't know why I am trying to condense our differences and similarities into a comment.You can redefine meaningful and with purpose as it applies to you as opposed to what you are in the big picture. Sometimes the little picture really is just good enough, even if its just good enough for you.Thanks for being so open and honest about everything. I felt a real sense of connection in reading your words and a true appreciation for someone who is real.
Thanks everyone for stopping by. I have my days when things go okay, but then there are the days when I can't make sense of anything. I just have to force myself to wait until the really bad days pass. Thanks Midnitefyrfly... I hope more people will find something in my blog that let's them know they are not every alone in their struggles.
There is a way to get rid of those voices you are hearing. I will pray that it will happen. Never give up hope..Cry out to God on high...He will bring healing...O may the Lord bring divine healing into you life..
I don't know what the fuck my disorder is...I guess it's apprpriate to just label it Disorder disorder...
A great place to discover and learn about your disorders is http://www.mytherapy.com It will ask you a lot of questions, but once you answer them all it will give you a basic understanding of what disorders you may have.
I don't know what to say..I am so overwhelmed by your blog. My heart breaks for you. I was just going from blog to blog looking for something interesting, someone to make me smile...I read your words and it scares me...that I could be feeling and living the very same thoughts without the grace of God. I don't think I could ever sleep again if I did not try and share with you the one who makes me sane...Jesus. He truly loves and knows the real you. He gave His life for the hurting souls just like you. Please, give yourself completely to him...live your every life and every breathe for Him. Let Jesus take your pain, your burdens and put a smile on that beautiful face. I love you. I will be praying for you tonight before I close my eyes. I will pray for peace. For strength. For healing and restoration. I will pray He fills you with the Holy Ghost (Acts 2) and fulfills the plans He has for your life. I pray for protection. For courage. For you to be overwhelmed with His unending love.
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