Saturday, January 23, 2010

Son-of-Bitch! I Got a Speeding Ticket

Son-of-bitch! I got a damn speeding ticket for doing 50mph in a 25mph zone while driving past the police department. I was on my way to the school to pay money on my son’s lunch account on Thursday, when suddenly the extreme urge to relieve the 4 cups of coffee and 2 diet cokes I had consumed since 9am that morning washed over my body. It brought out the little nine year old girl in me that stands there jumping up and down holding her hands between her legs trying to prevent herself from peeing everywhere.

I pushed the gas pedal down a little faster, and at some point I’m not really watching my speed any longer. My brain is repeating the words, ‘you need to pee‘, ’you need to pee’, then my mind flashes again on a little girl bouncing up and down, squeezing her legs together. I turn the corner with a half pause and roll on quickly past the school.

I look up and notice lights in my rearview mirror. My mind runs full throttle trying to figure out where the hell he came from. The need to urinate was ruling my thoughts enough that I guess I just didn’t look in my rearview mirror. My reaction was to quickly pull over, because at first I thought the officer was on a call and I just needed to move out of his way so I could circle back around to my house. Wrong!

He whips in behind me, and my heart races when I realize he is stopping me. For what I didn’t quite know yet, but I knew it was going to be for something that was later going to cost me a lot of money and time. He told me I was doing 55mph in a 25mph zone. Wow! Really wasn’t paying much attention. Then he ask if there was a reason I was going so fast. I didn’t lie. I told him I had to pee really bad, and then I began bouncing up and down again like that nine year old girl.

I don’t know the officers name, but at least he was pleasant and wrote me out the ticket quickly. Maybe it’s because they all know I’m a teeny bit psycho, and they would rather not stir up any problems. Who knows... When I think about it now, all I can see is that hidden grin they all have when I look them in the face. Maybe its the sex stories....hehe.

Anyway, now I have to figure out how to come up with the money to pay this damn ticket and the dog ticket. Looks like I’ll be doing a lot of dick sucking for awhile, or else I’ll have to call thief out of hiding and let her take control for a brief period of time. Shit!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I'm Going to Commit Murder!

All my life I’ve had a dog of some sort. Most all of them have been mixed breed dogs that someone was wanting to give away, and me being the nice person that I am, I gladly take the dog into my home. I provided everything I possible could to make their lives, and mine, enjoyable. I also like having a pet around for protection and entertainment.

After my boys reached a certain age they of course wanted a dog, and again I gladly gave into their adorable little 5 year old smiles. But then something would happen, like the dog running away, it gets hit by a car, or someone steals it, etc...Then there have been a few dogs that have crossed my path, that have caused a part of me to loathe dogs on the most extreme level. That is where MsPsycho took over and did what had to be done.

Okay, so let me step aside, and I’ll let MsPsycho’s invade your world for a few minutes. Warning MsPsycho tends to use profanities quite frequently, so if you are offended by someone using vulgar language, I suggest you read no further.


I can’t fucking stand dogs! And I’m going to tell you why! First of all, they stink! No matter how often, or what type of dog shampoo you use, in the end they all still smell like something crawled onto their bodies and died. Next, dog hair everywhere! It’s on my floors, carpet, rubbed against the side of my sofa (since I don’t fucking allow them on the couch), all over the bathroom where they’ve been giving a bath, and sometimes I even find the shit on my kitchen countertops! Guess who has to clean all this shit up! ME! It doesn’t just magically disappear on its own!

Allergies! I hate sneezing all the liquid out my nose after they’ve been in the house rolling around on my carpet. Then I can’t breathe right until I’ve taken some type of pill that is more than likely going to leave me feeling ‘not quite right’ for the next few hours.

So, you say just leave them outside... Right? Wrong! Outside all they do is bark when the wind blows a little too hard! Then they start digging at the ground and the fence trying to get at whatever they are barking at. Eventually they make it out on a day when nobody is at home, and I get a fine for DOG BEING AT LARGE. There goes a fucking $100 dollars and time spent in court!

After their little escape to freedom, I get both Labs back inside my privacy fence, and almost pass out from the horrendous smell that is now on my hands from touching them. I know they’ve been doing that upside down back rub across some animal that has been laying dead in the street for days. Maybe that makes them feel special when they do that? Fucking stinks to me bitch!

I give them food and water, and then proceed for the billionth time to replace the broken boards to the back fence. There goes money for food, new boards and nails for the fence, dog shampoo for the bath, water to wash them both, carpet cleaner and carpet shampoo to get rid of the smell they brought back with them that lingers like a huge TURD that just won’t flush. And I still have to pay the fucking court ticket!

Oh, and don’t forget about all the time this is consuming!

Since I have a male and female, I have had to deal with puppies. Which is fun to a certain point, but even that becomes a pain in the ass when the puppies reach a certain age and you have to find homes for all of them. To make sure this doesn’t happen again, I have to come up with money to have my dog spayed. She comes in heat two days before the surgery, and I have to make sure - Mr my dick is so hard that I’m going to fucking die if I don’t get to fuck that female bitch,- my male dog doesn’t get her pregnant before I have a chance to get her fixed.

TWO days of him howling to get inside. I throw water on his face, smack him with a broom handle, threaten him with my voice, etc.. NOTHING WORKS! I’m thinking about a shock collar, but is that too cruel? At this point, I don’t give a damn.

Finally the day of surgery. After only a couple hours of sleep, I get up at 5:30am, get dressed, load the dog into my car, and drive to a clinic on the other side of Tulsa to drop her off at 7am. I’m told it won’t be until around 4 or 5pm before she will be ready to go home, so I spend the day out picking up a few Christmas leftovers in Sand Springs. (I don’t live in Sand Springs, but I love stalking a few people over there.)

Around 2pm, I return to the house. I go into psycho mode the moment I walk in the door and see what my male lab has done to my backdoor. He has spent the entire day chewing and gnawing at the solid wood door until he had managed to make a hole large enough for him to squeeze his 90+ pound body under the door. When he sees me, he knows he’s in trouble, and immediately goes to his doghouse and lays down inside with only a part of his face sticking out to look around.

The temperature that day was below freezing, and inside my house the heater was blowing full blast, but it had little effect on the temperature of the room. I left my jacket on and found what I could to block the cold air from turning my fingertips blue. I made a quick dash to the lumber store and brought a large piece of metal to cover the opening, and then went to pick up my female lab who had come through surgery okay.

After making the needed repairs that evening, I laid down for some much need rest, leaving my male dog outside and the female inside for one week. Since she is still in heat, I have to keep the two dogs separated so he doesn’t cause her serious injury after the surgery. The next morning I was awaken by the sound of my female lab barking loudly in the other room. I jump up quickly thinking she may need to use the bathroom, and walk into the front room. There stands my male dog! He has cuts all over his face and paws where he dug, bit, pawed at the metal on the door until he was able to rip it open. Just to get to the PUSSY!

Another trip to Sutherlands! This time for more metal, new boards, screws, etc.. To complete the job. It was that, or spend a hundred dollars for a brand new door, and hope like hell I could put it up by myself. God only fucking knows, NOBODY else but me, is going to fucking fix the goddamn thing!

I chain my male lab up outside near his doghouse, and have to listen to him howl like someone is beating him with a hammer for the next five days! I want to end this dogs life! I have had NO restful sleep! Sleep a minute, listen to him howl, yell at him to shut up and go lay down. Sleep for two minutes, howling begins again. Let him howl until I’m sure the neighbors will soon be complaining. Fuck them! I’m complaining! I get up and toss a glass of water in his face and tell him again to be quiet. Nothing works!

I’m so exhausted I’m beginning to have some more than usually fucked up thoughts tossing around in my brain. If I don’t get some god damn sleep soon, I don’t think I’m going to be able to hold back my impulses. FIVE DAYS of this bullshit! I want to end this mother fuckers life with my bare hands.

And I would if it were up to me, but the owner of this body might really be upset if I were to do something psycho that caused her to do jail time. So, for now I will retreat back behind the black curtains until I’m needed again.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

HOW FAR WILL SHE GO?

Tayla ties the laces on her running shoes, and then jumps to her feet with a quick bounce. She has been training for months, getting into the best shape of her life, because she knows all eyes will be on her. She stares at her own reflection in the full length mirror and has doubts, but only briefly. Her glaring stare pushes her into side leg stretches, holding each one to the point of feeling pain. She then bounces up and down, stretching her shapely calf muscles as she pushes against the wall. She continues her routine by stretching her arms above her head, and rotating her neck until the bones inside sound off with a low crackle.

Standing in her loose fitting white tee-shirt and sweatpants, in the middle of the room she does several jumping jacks in a row until a bead of sweat forms on her forehead. She doesn’t want to her make-up to sweat off so she chooses not to exert herself any further. The urge to show off evaporates, and Tayla forms a plan in her head.

She looks again into the mirror and daps the sweat away with a white kitchen hand towel. She re-powders her face and applies a new layer of lipstick as she checks her hair. Suddenly, her lavender crisp lips spew out the most vulgar words, “Asshole! Bastard! Cocksucker! Pig! Fuck you! Die you son-of-bitch!”

The more words she shouts out loud, the more pumped up she becomes, until she is shouting so loud her voice begins to crack. She is ready. A long ago forgotten song plays in the background, matching her confident stride as she heads out the front door of her small apartment building.

The sunlight shines brightly in the mid-day afternoon, but a light breeze keeps it from being overly warm. In the background the music grows louder. Tayla’s old warn out green 1990 Bonneville sits near the curb with a parking ticket tucked under the windshield wiper. The playing music comes to a screeching halt.

She grabs the ticket and sits down in the drivers seat. She leans over and opens the glove box to shove the ticket inside with all the others. The music begins playing again with a loud pumping bass. She drives just a few blocks and pulls over in front of several businesses when she spots a tall, thin dark haired police officer filling out a parking ticket for some other helpless victim.

Tayla steps out the old car, shoving the door hard so that it shut correctly, and struts towards the officer.

The tall, dark haired officer slaps the ticket under the strangers windshield, letting it snap loudly back in place. The music fades to a low hum.

With a big smile on her face, Tayla extends her index finger and pokes the officer in the middle of his back, causing him to quickly turn around.

“Fucking bastard!” Tayla shouts looking him squarely in the face.

The officers eyes open wide as he turns to look at the tall blond, blue eyed woman. His eyebrows lower, “What did you say?”

“Cocksucker!” Tayla shouts loudly, and then smacks the officer across his left cheek. She smiles widely and then turns to flee as the officer steps toward her. She quickly picks up her running pace as the dark haired officer follows close behind her talking on his radio.

Just a block away, Tayla running full speed, spots an husky, six foot officer talking to two people who are having a domestic dispute. She increases her speed, taking long steady strides and runs straight for the husky officer. Without losing a step she smacks the officer on the back of his head, and runs off with her middle finger sticking up in the air. Victorious music playfully rings out in the background.

“Shit!” the officer yells as he checks the back of his head.

“Fucking pigs!” Tayla shouts and bolts off in the other direction.

The dark haired officer comes sprinting around the corner past the tall, husky officer. The husky officer then joins the pursuit, and they both break into a fast paced leg race trying to catch the fleeing woman. She turns several corners with the officers just a few seconds behind her.

At the end of the block, Tayla sees the coffee shop that she had visited the day before when she was preparing for her run. Outside on the patio, sits two off-duty officers having donuts and a hot cup of coffee. Tayla sprints towards the officers and swipes one of the officers donuts and takes a bite. As she continues to run, she throws the rest of the donuts over her shoulder towards the officers, making them dunk as it comes flying in their direction.

“Cocksuckers!” she shouts triumphantly through her donut filled mouth.

The two officers swiftly stand, knocking over their chairs as they promptly join in on the pursuit. Fast paced music rings loudly.

With all four officers pursuing her, she runs faster than she ever has in her life. Around one corner and then another. She darts around cars and other buildings, until she runs into a unfamiliar area and instantly realizes she has made a wrong turn from the path she had chosen the day before.

She attempts to backpedal, but it only leads her straight back into the awaiting arms of the law.

They grab her by the hair and throw her to the ground as they shout obscenities at her. Each officers then kicks and stomps at her helpless body laying on the ground. Tayla covers her head as she continues to shout degrading names at each of the officers.

“Ass munchers! Pigs! Bastards! Cock suckers!”

The sound of Tayla’s voice is drown out by approaching sirens. She hears the screeching becoming louder, and then the sound of a vehicle hurriedly coming to a halt. The four officers stop their assault and step aside as a older, higher ranking officer leaps from his patrol car.

He leans downs and sees blood dripping from Tayla’s face and forehead. He radios for an ambulance when she lets out a low moan. The officer leans towards her and touches Tayla in a reassuring manner, “Don’t try to move or talk. Help is on the way. You’ll be okay, I promise.”

Tayla uncovers her face and stares the officer in the eyes. Then she manages to get out the words, “Fuck you pig.”

The high ranking officer appears stunned.

From out of a white van, jumps a young, handsome man with a microphone in his hand. “Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like we have another winner!’ the man bellows.

“Tayla you’ve just won a brand new car and ten thousand dollars cash!”

Music swells in the background as a shiny new car appears along with a woman holding open a briefcase full of cash.

Paramedics arrive and place Tayla onto a stretcher. Bright lights from a camera douses her sweat filled face and torn shirt. She looks toward the camera and gives a thumbs up to the viewers at home, “I’m okay everybody.”

The title of the show flashes across the TV screen: WHAT ARE THEY WILLING TO DO?

The program credits roll as the music plays in the background.

“Tune in next week when Joey White goes for his dream home!” The host flashes a big smile and gives a low laugh, “Hey, America, is there a doctor in the house?”

After 8 hours of watching TV, Sandy picks up the remote and turns the channel.

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Well, that's it. Not sure if I like the title, so if you have a better idea, let me know. Have a great day!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Wintertime Blues or is it a little Major Depression Kicking in?

I would give anything right now for a tiny bit of mania. I’ve got brain fog going on, and all I want to do is sleep and eat. For the past few days all I've done is hibernate like a bear in the winter. It’s too cold to go outside and do anything, and everything inside makes me feel sick to my stomach, so I’ve just been sitting around or laying around doing nothing.

I’ve been trying to do some of the things that shock my brain enough to bring me back to reality, but those are failing, and this time I feel like saying fuck it... I don’t really give a damn.

They say women are effected more by the wintertime blues than men, because basically woman start off in life with less serotonin in our brains than men, so wintertime can be very rough on people like me. Gee thanks... one more disorder I have to deal with.

I forced myself up out of bed around 1pm today, (woke up at 10am, just didn’t want to get up) and tried to do a little exercising like they suggest when a woman feels this way, but that did nothing but make my head hurt more than it already was. Instead I got online and surfed around to a few different blogs, which is sometimes a good distraction at least, but not today.

I spent several hours reading other peoples blogs, and even more hours just sitting there playing Bejeweled Blitz. It kept me distracted for a few hours, but tomorrow I have to try something different. I’m going to try and get outside in the sun, even if it is only for a few minutes. If that doesn’t work, I don’t know what extremes I’ll be willing to try.

I know I won’t use any antidepressant or antipsychotic medications. I’ve tried a variety of drugs in the past, and each one failed in it’s own way. I just have to use what I’ve learned in the past to make sure I don’t do something really stupid tomorrow.

My court really sucked Thursday. Once again the court room was standing room only, even though I got there almost an hour before court started. I spent most of the first 2 hours reading a book and trying not to look around at anyone. Finally around 6:30pm, after the attorneys finished, the DA tells everyone to line up against the wall that wants to talk with him. FUCK! A line forms going out into the hall. Separately the Judge announces if anyone wants to plead not guilty, to step forward and the court date would be set for February. I was going to wait and talk with the DA, but changed my mind and quickly stepped forward. I gave my name and was told to return in February. I quickly left the courtroom, leaving everyone else standing there for the next couple of hours. Maybe I’ll come up with a good excuse and postpone my court date until March sometime. Maybe then it’ll be warm and I won’t feel the need to cuss someone out.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

It’s so cold out, the hookers are charging $25 dollars to blow on your hands

Don’t knock the weather. If it didn’t change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn’t start a conversation.

It looks like the forecast for my area is going to be a cold one for the next couple of days. We’re suppose to get close to the record in 1912 of -2 F. Damn that’s cold. The crazy part is just 2 years ago, in 2008, the temperature was around 75 degrees on this same day. Now that was nice!

A little light drizzling mist is falling right now, which is just the beginning of what is to come. I did the stupid thing like a lot of other people did, and waited until the last minute to stock up on enough supplies to stay indoors for the next couple of days. An one hour trip turned into two hours with the crazy traffic running through Tulsa and the insane amount of people that were in the stores stocking up.

Just as I turned onto 141st street a light mist met my windshield. A couple minutes later, with a smile on my face I pulled into my garage, thankful I had made it safely home before the snow and cold temperatures hit.

I hate going out in the cold now days, mostly because it makes my old bones hurt, especially in my knees. I also don’t relish the thought of maybe slipping and falling on my ass, or laying there like the old woman on TV screaming, ‘I’ve falling and can’t get up.’

I was hoping I could stay hidden for the next few days while the weather is bad, but unless I can come up with a good reason not to appear, I have to be in court tomorrow evening. Back in September my female lab escaped through a hole in my neighbors fence while I was gone. The way I understand, the dog catcher tried to catch her and she ran back into my yard. He then tried to get her out of my backyard, but my neighbor came over and said he would take care of the fence.

When I got home that day, there was a warning on my door, and my neighbor comes over to explain what happened. I thought that was the end of it, and my dog hasn’t gotten out since the fence was fixed. But I was wrong! TWO months later, I get a letter in the mail that I have to sign for. I open it and inside I find a ticket for my dog at large with the court date that has already passed. I get really pissed knowing my dog hasn’t been out, and that they are sending me a ticket with the court date wrong.

Eventually I get a hold of someone at the court clerks office and find out they forgot to include a letter telling me the court date had been changed. I was still pissed about the ticket, and began looking at it closer and realized it was for when she had escaped in September. I still don’t understand why he gave me a warning, and then two months later decides to send me a ticket in the mail. BET he likes fucking chickens. Psycho thoughts.... Walk away!!!!!

That’s as normal as my post is going to get today. I still feel the need to write about my last little drinking episode... But I’ll do that a little later. That’s twice this year I’ve been drunk...damn! This last time I didn’t get bombed, I got crushed into a thousand pieces. No more drinking for me, I would rather return to weed.

Hope everyone stays safe and warm.