Friday, March 13, 2009

The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain

Today has been one fucked up day. It’s the middle of March and we had snow and sleet. Guess I should be use to it, since I live in Oklahoma, but it just throws a bone in your throat sideways. Instead of going shopping in the cold mess, I stayed home and did nothing but catch up on some reading. For the most part, my day was totally uneventful...completely boring to be more precise.

I wouldn’t even be writing anything if it wasn’t for the little incident that happened around 6pm. I was doing a little cleaning up, dusting, changing the sheets on my bed, straighten things know the usually stuff. I placed all my pillows onto the floor near my nightstand, that had a lit candle sitting on top. I checked and thought it was all clear, but a corner of one pillow got to close to the flame and quickly ignited. I was in the hallway getting out clean pillowcases and sheets, when I smelled something burning. I quickly followed the smell into my bedroom and saw the pillow on fire.

Thinking as quick as I could, I grab the flaming pillow and rush it to my bathroom. As I’m carrying it towards the bathroom, parts of the inside of the pillow (I made them a few years ago, using old seat cushions, and cutting them into small ½ inch squares) start falling everywhere. Small balls of fire are spread all across my bed, my dresser, the floor...and I’m freaking out. I start screaming FIRE!! at the top of my lungs until my son and friend comes running into my bedroom.

They grab buckets of water, stomp it with their feet and hands, but the flames are spreading everywhere. I see my purse catching on fire, and yell to my friend to grab my purse. He reaches for it real quick and throws it towards we, still on fire! I put it out and grab a few other things and put them out with my hands. I don’t know how but after about 10 minutes we finally get the fire under control without having to call the fire department.

Most of the damage was contained to the area around my bed. Still, it burnt all my mattresses on one side, burnt my camera case, 2 purses, a pair of house slippers, several writing notebooks, part of the wall is now black, and the carpet is destroyed in that area. Plus everything is now soaking wet. I guess I should feel lucky...with all my writing, books and other things in that area, it could have been a lot worse.

I’ve got burns on my right hand and a couple small spots on my face, but nothing serious. It probably fucked up my breathing worse than anything. I’m still coughing up black crap. It’ll take a few days to get everything cleaned up, and a few hundred dollars to take care of the damage. I’m still a little shaken up by seeing the flames so high. I’m probably going to be awake for most of the night, worrying about if it might try to re-light. Tomorrow has got to be a better day!!!’s Friday the 13....maybe I should just stay home.

The only good thing about what happened, was the adrenaline rush I got...sure helps with this crazy ass depression. But I have a feeling it won’t last very long, and the crash will soon follow.

Dark demons in my dreams,
turn my laughter into screams.
What was good now is bad,
damn these demons get me mad.
I wish there was a way to fight,
but these demons come back every night.

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