Monday, May 26, 2008

I Suffered In Silence

Nausea is tearing me up right now, so much so, that I gave in and took a couple Reglan. Now I remember why I quit doing the hardcore drugs years ago. It takes my body too damn long to recover now days. I’m finally starting to crash, and managed to eat a some crackers a few minutes ago, but still everything smells and taste like crap.

I want to use something to help me lose weight, but I’m not sure about using the hardcore stuff. Still, I think I dropped a couple pounds just being active for most of the night and day. Now though, my body is starting to feel like crap, and I have completely lost the hearing in my right ear. Don’t know if I’m going deaf, if its the drugs I did, vertigo, Ménière's syndrome, if its from all the ear infections I use to have while going up that went untreated or if its a combination of all the above. Whatever it is, it sure sucks, and is making me feel a lot worse.

From around the age of 8 to 16, I had probably around 40 to 50 ear infections from going swimming in the summertime. I was told by a relative that I probably had swimmers ear, which causes repeated ear infections. Problem was every time I got one, my parents wouldn’t or couldn’t afford to take me to the doctor to get it treated. Many nights during the summer I would stay awake all night holding my ears, crying because the pain was intolerable. The only thing my parents would say was to tell me to stop my damn crying, because they didn’t want to hear me.

Well, I’ve got to try and get some sleep, the boys will be back tomorrow, so I have to pull myself together. Hope everyone has a wonderful Memorial Day.


Patrisius Djiwandono said...

Eerie postings. But also I symphatize with you. I have no idea that it can be so bad. Occasionally I have wild thoughts, too, but maybe they are nothing compared to yours. Hope for a better future.

MsPsycho said...

The intrustive thoughts are so bad sometimes that I feel I just can't make it through another day. Some how I keep making myself struggle till the next day. That's all I really can do, is try to make it one more day.