Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Resistance is Futile

If every scar tells a story, run your fingers over my body and read my novel.

I think one of the hardest things about having depression, is not being able to tell the people that I am the closest to that I’m depressed or having suicidal thoughts. I can tell it to complete strangers online, but I can’t come right out and tell those around me that sometimes I just don’t feel okay.
Most of the time I hide those feelings during the day, it is only at night when I am completely alone that I allow my feelings to surface. Writing down my crazy thoughts is my way of releasing the stress in my life.
For the past almost 3 years, I feel I’ve given up. I injured my knees so bad that I have pain everyday, I don’t sleep very well, I developed diabetes, high blood pressure, and several other medical problems that I take medicine for. I rarely leave my house any more...if I do it is usually just to go to Wal-Mart, then it’s right back inside my house. I just don’t want to be a part of the world anymore.
They don’t want me in it...I don’t want to be a part of it.

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