Monday, January 07, 2008

What if today was to be my last day?

It's always darkest before dawn.....
So if you're going to STEAL the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it...

Have you ever woken up one morning and wondered,
"What if today was to be my last?"
Well...have you?
I find myself thinking along those lines every once in a while.
This morning for example. I mean, what if I died today?
What if this were it? What would be my regrets?
What would I have accomplished, what would I have failed?
Whose lives would I have touched? What would I have changed?

I guess at some stage we are all touched by our mortality, some sooner than others. As a young child I was introduced to the concept of death, and it scared me terribly, I didn't want to die and at that point I remember my biggest wish in life were to live forever.
I was five.

As is the case, life progressed and a little over a year later, I had come to terms with it and no longer feared death... it was about that time that I became a very adventurous kid, and really have been ever since. Of course there was also the curiosity about post-death. I mean...what the hell happens (no pun intended)?

Its actually quite interesting to take a good look throughout history, local folklore and religion. There is always talk of afterlife...of some sort. There was Hades, Elysium, the Great Hunting Grounds. There were Banshees, Vampires, Ghosts. There is Heaven, Hell, Enlightenment, Reincarnation. Nowhere was there talk of...nothing...nothingness...blackness...void...death, and only death, ceasing to exist on this or any other plane of existence. Why is that? is it out of fear? A fear that lingers in any and all people to some extent, the fear that the old credence of "There has to be something better," may not be true.

Many years ago I asked an old friend of mine why he believes in God? What evidence is there, what is the point, why not pray to the Sun while you're at it, at least you can see the Sun. I said more, quite a bit more; he could have gotten angry, he could have told me we were no longer friends, he could have told me to go to Hell... instead he looked at me with this unnerving calm in his eyes said, “Faith, you have to have faith". That has stuck with me ever since. The 18 year old kid who knew the entire world and had conquered her fear of death 12 years ago was both shaken and stirred... and most importantly, I was thinking.

If I died today, I would think that I'd be ready for it. I have done a lot in my life thus far. I hope I have touched a few lives, I have let others cry on my shoulder so that their day was a little easier, I have helped to rebuild people's confidence in themselves and others. I have made people laugh. I have made people think. My only regret? Not going back to finish college. But whether that is in the cards or not? That is out of my hands... I guess I'll just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.

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