Thursday, September 27, 2007

Killing for Pleasure

My boyfriend at the time was just getting off from work, when he spotted two Rottiweiler dogs roaming the parking lot near his car. They were very friendly so he petted them both, and then walked back inside to pick up his jacket that he had forgotten. A friend of his arrived for his shift, noticed the dogs, and decided he wanted to take one of them home with him. My boyfriend of course had to have the other one, and quickly put him in back of his car and brought him to my house. It was a complete mistake from day one.

The dog was a nice looking Rott and very friendly, but he was already full grown, so I felt no emotional attachment to the dog. My boyfriend was the one who wanted to have him, but unless I took time to feed him, he never got watered or fed. Eventually I began to hate the dog because there were always arguments about the dogs care. Instead of buying or building the dog a doghouse, my boyfriend used the money to try and build a large stereo system to put in the back of his car. So when it rained the dog would howl for hours and hours, which began to bother the neighbors and they would come complaining to me.

My next door neighbors hated him, because every time they tried to do anything in their backyard, the dog would bark at them and jump up on the fence. One day the neighbor got to close and he jumped up on the fence and somehow scratched her on the arm. I never got to see the wound, but she claimed she had to go to the E.R. and have stitches. To avoid any more hassles with my neighbor I agree to pay her hospital bill of $181.00.

We had a fenced in back yard, but somehow he began getting loose everyday and roaming the neighborhood, which made people very uneasy seeing a big Rott running around loose. The cops were called several times, and when they tried to catch him, he would come running towards the backyard, so they knew he was ours. After two tickets I was fed up, and demanded that the dog had to be more secured or I would get rid of him. My boyfriend and I argued for two days until he finally went to the hardware store and purchased a large, long, metal chain. He then secured the chain around the dogs neck and the other end around a clothesline pole. Again this was fine, until it rained and then he would howl and howl for hours.

Another day, one of my sons friends, who was only 5, came into the backyard and began playing with him. I hadn't even notice the boy had come into my backyard, or I could have kept an eye on him. The next thing I knew I heard a blood curling scream, and my son and the boy came running into the house. The boy was holding his ear, and I could see blood flowing down from where his hand was being held. I tried to ask him what happened but he was too upset, so I hurried him over to his house and left him with his parents. I talked to my son about what had happened and he said his friend was trying to take the chain off the dog when the dog jumped up and his paw came down on the young neighbor boy. I found out later that the dogs claw had almost torn his ear off, anyway that's what they told me, and of course they wanted me to pay the $300 dollar hospital bill, plus a couple of hundred for his pain and suffering. This time I refused to pay, because I didn't feel it was my fault since he had come into my backyard, without me knowing.

I hated the dog more everyday and began refusing to feed and water him. If he was to be fed then, my boyfriend would have to be the one taking care of him, and I let him know this. Days would sometimes go by, without the dog getting fed. He looked so miserable that I couldn't even stand looking at him.

My younger son, who was only 2 at the time, began sneaking outside without me knowing. I had caught him a couple of times, in the backyard trying to play with the dog. It didn't worry me that the dog would try to bite him, but the dog liked jumping up on people. My son was a small two-year-old, and the dog was three times his size and weight. Sure enough, one day my fears came true, and my son tried to play with him. The dog jumped up on him, and one of the dogs nails hit my son in the head, putting a large nail hole wound in his forehead. He came running and screaming into the house with blood running down from his head. I quickly picked him up and called 911, telling them my son was injured from the dog.

Within 10 minutes the fire department arrived. I was so furious at the dog, all I could think about was a way to get rid of him. The injury wasn't real serious, but he still had to have 3 stitches in his head, right along the hairline. As they were helping him, all I could think about was what if it had been his eye, or what if the dog had continued jumping on him. After that, I put a lock on the backdoor, so my little boy couldn't go outside unless I was with him.

The next night it poured down rain and the dog howled for hours. I had only a few hours of sleep, between worrying about my son, and listen to the dog non-stop. I was awaken by a noise in the backyard, and quickly went to see what was going on. Somehow the dog had managed to get loose from the clothesline pole, and was dragging the chain behind. He had tried to jump over the fence, but the chain had hung up and it left him partly dangling in the air. I struggle to free him, hurting my arm as I did. I felt such deep anger inside. It was then that I began forming plans in my head about what I was going to do with the dog. I imagined the worst possible torture, and even the quickest most humane way to have it out of my life.

I tied him to the clothesline, and then went back into the house for a bucket of water. As I was letting the water run into the bucket I began adding some rat poison that I had under the sink. Next I found some poison for killing slugs and added that to the water. I wasn't sure if it would kill him, but I really didn't care. I just wanted to inflict harm on it, in some manner. I carried the water outside and sat if down next to him. He quickly drank the water, since he hadn't been watered in days. I turned and walked away.

Without a second thought to what might happen, I got my sons ready for a day of fun, and took them to the park to play. We had a picnic and walked around exploring places we had never been. Not even once did my mind wonder to the dog and think about how it might be doing. I really didn't care. Maybe I didn't secure it to the pole tight enough and when I got back it would escape and be long gone somewhere. I played and played with my boys, pushing them on the swings until we all became tired. When it was close to the time for my boyfriend to stop by my place, we packed up all our things and headed home.

When we returned my boyfriend was already there. He had found the dog dead in the backyard, and again he was free from the chain. He had a suspicion that someone may have poisoned the dog, but I convinced him that something happened to the dog during the storm. The neighbor behind our house saw the dog, and heard us talking about what may have happened. The neighbor quickly put in his two cents and said he thought the dog may have but killed by lightening. He said he had heard lightening strike real close to the house and since the dog was chained to the pole, he probably died of shock. I quickly jumped in and agreed with what he had to say. My boyfriend finally became convinced that was what had happened and took the do away for disposal. In my mind, I completely blocked out the fact that I had given the dog tainted water, and began fully believing that the dog had died because of being struck by lightening.

This happened in the fall of 1995. I just remembered today, in the fall of 2007, that I was the one responsible for killing the dog. I don't know why suddenly the memory returned to me, but I felt compelled to write down the story.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Washcloth

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.

The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal . Some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."

I'm NEVER going back to that doctor ever, ever, ever again!!

For the Child Who Cries at Night

This is for every child who cries at night
Alone with shame and pain and fright.

For every child who wants so much
To only feel a gentle touch.

For the beaten child, who cries in pain
Whose tears run silent, like a summer rain.

For the child used to satisfy lust
Who never learns to love or trust.

For the child taken from her home
And made to feel so all alone.

For the child whose home is just a shell
Where life becomes a living hell.

For the child who smiles but cannot feel
Because of scars too deep to heal.

For every child who yearns for love
I hope and pray to God above
He hears your cries and heals your pain
Never again to cry tears of rain.