Have you ever had a crazy thought? I do…quite often. The voices, thoughts, are intrusive, unpleasant thoughts, mostly it leaves me feeling as if I’m insane. I have morbid obsessions where I often think about death, injuring myself or others, and I even think about ways to act out sexually that others may not consider normal.
Everyday I play out mental images of whatever horrible thoughts I may be having at that moment. Most of the time it involves law enforcement. I think about how I might like to take some officer hostage, torture him for hours before I finally let him go so he can grab his near by gun and then take my life. Or another time I might see an officer driving down the road and steer into his direction so we will have a head on collusion, sending our bodies flying into each other. Death awaits.
I other think I will just snap one day, and go berserk, harming myself and other people. I worry about the type of person I must be. Am I a psychopath? I feel like one most days. Or are they just thoughts? I just want to run away somewhere. Someday I fear I will lose control and act on my thoughts, and of course they’ll want to lock me up forever. I often see how it will happen in my mind. Crazy thoughts.