Friday, March 17, 2006
I began feeling as if something was wrong with me. I would lay awake night after night, wondering if he was watching me. He words echoed through my head over and over again. Not telling anyone. I kept it a secret. Secrets...SEcreTs...seCrEts..."You’re my special big girl and I love you very much." Unsure of what to think."It's our secret...You can't tell anyone...It would mean breaking up our family. We would have no place to live. I could go to jail. Then who would take care of you and your momma. A good girl is a quiet girl. I’ll give you money anytime you need it. It's our secret. No one will believe you." The words rang through my head over and over again as I saw the images from the woods. I felt this was my family. If I tell, it all falls apart. There would no longer be a family to belong too. Everyone would hate me for breaking up the family. As messed up as we were, I still belonged to something. I felt I couldn't tell. For me, the problem would always be denied.