Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The finally stab in the heart...Why I don't like the police.

By the end of November shortly after my 18 birthday, snow had begun to fall, making the highways slick. I had to call in one day and I missed my first day of work at the Nowata Hays House due to the snow covering the roads. The next day I slowly made my way to work determined not to lose any more money, after that I would be off for the next two days. I told Mom if the snow started again I would stay at Uncle Jack's house who lived in town not from the Hays House. I also let her know I would be late getting home that night because I was going to give a friend a ride home after work.

I worked until 11:00pm, but I hung around an extra few minutes, waiting on a co-worker to get off. Her car was in the shop and she had asked me earlier in the week, if I could give her a ride. When she finally walked out, I started the car and looked down at my watch which showed it was 11:10 pm when I backed out and we headed north toward Kansas.

She lived between South Coffeyville and Childers; two very small towns near the Kansas, Oklahoma border. I figured after dropping her off I could cut through the back roads, go straight several miles, turn back towards Childers only grocery store, then about eight more miles I would be home. By the time we went past Delaware, snow had begun to fall very heavy. The closer we got towards Kansas the harder it was coming down. Eventually I had to slow down to only 35 miles an hour to keep from sliding off into the ditch.

Several miles past another small town, she had me turn right and we drove several more miles down dirt roads. We pulled into her driveway and the clock showed it was a little after midnight. She thanked me for the ride and we said bye. I backed out and continued on east down the back roads. I had cut through before, but I wasn't sure the road I was on went through all the way. It had always been daylight and no snow on the ground when I drove it before.

After driving for sometime the snow began to lighten and I drove faster, determined to quickly get home. Somewhere I had missed a turn and became lost. I had no idea where I was at or even what direction I was going. I had made several turns and drove long distances without seeing any other cars or houses. I felt I was almost going in circles after I went past a small bridge that looked familiar, so I decided to turn a different direction when I came to a T in the road. Just as I rounded a corner, I slid on a heavy patch of snow and landed in a ditch. I spun my tires trying to get out, but I was stuck deep. I put my car in reverse and tried again with no luck.

I got out of the car and saw my car was buried so deep I couldn't see but one of the back tires. I looked around and couldn't see lights in any direction, so I got back in the car to stay warm. After about 15 minutes, I shut the car off and waited. I leaned my head back on the headrest and closed my eyes, figuring I was there for the night. The car quickly became cold and I started the engine; it was 12:34 am.

As the car began to warm, I noticed lights coming from down the road. I quickly turned on my emergency lights and waited. When the car got near, I saw it was a highway patrolman. He pulled along side me, and I rolled down my window. I told him I was stuck and couldn't get out.

"I can't get a tow truck out here this late, but I can give you a ride somewhere if you want?” he said with a big smile and motioned me over to his car.

"Sure", I said getting out of my car and locking it. He moved a clipboard and some other papers from the passenger’s seat and I got in.

"What are you doing out here so late?"

"I was giving a friend a ride home, I got lost, and then I slid off in the ditch."

"That's not good. Well, my name is Mike. What's yours?"


"Where do you want me to take you?"

"The closest place would probably be in Nowata at my Uncle's house."

“Okay. I need to stop by my house for a minute, and then we'll go. If that's okay with you?"

"Sure. You're driving,” I said smiling.

I thought to myself how nice looking of guy he was. He had short brown hair, mustache, and hazel eyes, with a muscular build and weighed around 250 lbs and was at least 6'4" tall. He didn't look too much older than me, maybe mid 20’s, overall a very nice looking guy. To top it all off he was a police officer, someone I should feel very safe around.
He drove for a while as we talked about the snow. He made several turns down dirt roads, and then pulled up to gate. He opened it and we drove down a long dirt road through heavy tree's, up to a tailor house.

"Come on in and warm up."

He opened the door and we went in. Inside there wasn't much furniture or anything else, but it was clean, which was always important to me. Straight in against one wall was a large sofa, with a small coffee table at the end. In front room near the door, sat a small TV on a stand. To the right of the door there was a small kitchen. To the left, past the TV was a hallway that I could see led to the bathroom, then to a bedroom at the end of the hall.

"Have a seat", he said then stepped into the kitchen and came back with two opened beers. He handed me one and took a long drink of his own. He sat down on the sofa and we began talking about where I worked and what I did. When we were about finished with the beers he stood, "I'll be back in a moment. I've got to change then we'll get going".

He finished off the rest of his beer and sat it down. I leaned back on the sofa. I was so tired and sleepy I barely kept my eyes open. I took a couple more drinks, finishing off the beer and sat it down near his. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. It had to be after 1:00am. I was so tired that I kept yawning over and over again. Finally, I gave in and closed my eyes.

I was startled awake by Mike shaking my arm, "it's really late, if you want to stay the night you can".

"I'm not really sure I should", I said between yawns.

"It's okay, I'm one of the good guys. I'll get you a blanket and pillow and you can crash for the night on my sofa. In the morning we'll get someone out here and get your car out."

I finally agreed and took the pillow and blanket, then quickly fell asleep. During the night I woke up twice and felt as if someone was staring at me, but I tried to convince myself I was safe and went back to sleep. He awoke me around 8:00am the next morning and we drove back to my car. He said he had found a chain and could pull it out. He hooked the chain to the front bumper of my car and then to the back of a large black Chevy truck that he owned. With one quick pull, it came right out.

"Thank you so much", I said holding out my hand.

"You're welcome. Anytime", he said shaking my hand. "If you're off for the next couple of days, would you want to spend some time with me? We could get a couple beers and talk for awhile at my place, if you want?"

"Why not. Sounds like fun. But I've got to go back to Nowata and call my Mom and let her know I'm okay. Then, I can meet you later."

"Alright, here's my number, call me around 6:00pm tonight and we'll meet,” he said smiling a big trusting smile.

I took the piece of paper, smiled, and thanked him again. "One more thing, how do I get back to the road leading to Nowata?"

"Follow me and I'll show you."

I got in my car and followed him down several different dirt roads, until we came out on the highway, near the Kansas border. He waved his hand out the window at me and I waved back, and then I drove off in the direction of Nowata. When I got to my Uncle's house, I called mom at school and told her I had slid off in the ditch, but I was okay and was going to stay in town for the next couple of days.

I cleaned up at my Uncle's house and changed clothes. I thought about Mike over and over in my head. I thought he was a really great guy and very good looking. He seemed sweet and very nice, the kind my father would really hate. My father had told me while growing up; I had better never bring home a cop or a black man, because both are nothing but trash. So, of course I had to do the opposite of what ever he wanted, but more important Mike seemed interested in me.

I waited until 6:05pm and called, but got nothing but his answering machine. I left a message that if he wanted to still meet, he could call me at home and I left my Uncle's number. My confidence was low and I really didn't think he would ever call me back, but around 6:40pm he called saying he wanted to meet me at the corner store in Delaware. I knew where it was at and told him I would meet him around 7:00.

He was already there in his truck when I pulled up and said I could follow him back to his place. We pulled up to his place and he grabbed a case of beer from the back of his truck and carried it inside. We sat around talking about various things and drinking the beer. I had never drank more than a couple of beer's at a time and had never been drunk, but I drank it to try and please him. I wanted him to really like me; I thought maybe he was the knight I had been always looking for.

It was 6-point beer from Kansas and it didn't take many for me to begin feeling the effects. When I would finish one, he would quickly bring me another one. By midnight, I was completely wasted and could barely stand; it was the first time I had ever gotten drunk. I keep talking about how I couldn't feel my nose and my face felt numb. I stumbled several times trying to make it to the bathroom and had an even more difficult time trying to pull my pants up and down to use the toilet.

When I came the bathroom on my thrid trip, Mike was standing in the hall by the door, smiling. He grabbed my hand and said, "let's go lay down on my bed".

"Sure, it's closer anyway", I said slurring my words.

"Here", he said handing me another beer.

I took it and drank a few sips before I sat it down on the table by his bed. I noticed an alarm clock on a night table; it said 12:34pm. He said he was going in the kitchen and would be back in a minute. I laid back on the bed and looked at the ceiling. My head was spinning so fast, I just closed my eyes.

I was awakened by him on top of me. My shirt was open and my bra was pulled up. My shoes were off and my pants and underwear were gone. I moaned the words stop and tried to push him back but he slammed me down hard on the bed. When I continued to resist he punched me in the face three or 4 times until I cried out loudly. He put his hand over my mouth and continued. When I tried again to fight back, he slapped me hard across the face and grabbed my arms. I tasted a small amount of blood where one of my teeth had hit my lip. He sat on my chest and held me down, then cuffed both of my hands to a rope and then tied the rope to the bedposts above my head. He began squeezing my breast hard and then he forced me to suck on his penis. He entered me vaginally for a time that seemed forever, all the while he talked about how tight I was and how good it felt.

After a long time he pulled out and entered me anally. When I screamed out in pain and begged him to stop he just pushed in harder. Tears streamed down my face and I finally had to go somewhere else. I tried to look around the room, but when I looked on the walls I only saw was a couple pictures of him in his uniform and a post of a naked woman. When I closed my eyes all I could see were officers in uniforms. It made me want to throw up.

"You're a big girl, you can take it, and I know this is what you want".

I was overweight, but he still outweighed me by at least 35 pounds and was much stronger. I begged him to stop, but the more I begged the harder he did it. I finally just laid there and let him do anything he wanted to do. It was well over an hour before he was finished doing other ' weird' things to me, if I tried to resist he would slap or punch me hard on various parts of my body.

When he finally finished, he laid down in the bed beside me and put his arm over my side. He laid there for several minutes before he un-cuffed me and gave me a kiss. I didn't know what to think. Were all men like this? Is this what sex really was? I quickly got up and ran to the bathroom and threw up. When I was done he led me back to his bed where I let the beer take over and I passed out. Again as I attempted to sleep it off, I felt him having sex with me, but I refused to acknowledge that he was even there. I didn't wake back up until it had begun to get light out.

"Hey", he said poking me in the side, "let's get in the shower together."

"Go ahead", I mumbled.

"No, come on", he said pulling me up out of the bed.

We had sex again in the shower, and then he made sure I washed really well. I was hurting so bad and my head was pounding, so I asked him if he had anything for pain. He went to his kitchen and brought me back two pills and an open bottle of beer.

"I don't know if I want another beer", I said holding up my hand.

"It's alright it'll help with the hangover. Take these pills and you'll feel much better in just a little while".

I took both pills and drank a little of the beer.

"I'll be right back", he said then walked back to his bedroom.

I wanted to get up and leave right then and there, but I felt like shit. I could barely move and my entire body ached, so I just sat there and closed my eyes.

"Let's go, are you ready?" he said shaking me. I saw he was fully dressed in his uniform, sweating really hard.

"You must have fallen asleep", he said standing there smiling. "Sorry, but I've got to go to work, I'll see you later".

We walked outside and he said good-bye. Everything was in a haze, so I didn't say a word. I got in my car and followed him back out to the highway, then he headed toward Kansas and I headed back to my Uncles place in Nowata. I began questioning my mind...Was it just a dream? Was it okay what he just did? I wasn't sure but I knew it wasn't my ideal of fun. The pills he had given me were taking effect and I was feeling very little pain, but everything was in a haze. I had never felt that way before, but I knew it felt better than feeling pain.

I drove to my Uncle's house weaving back and forth across the road. During the drive another car had to honk his horn at me because I had drifted too far over into his lane. Somehow I made it back to my Uncles house without wrecking, but he was gone to work when I got there. I still had a key so I opened the door and let myself in. I went to the bathroom and filled the tub with very hot water. My head was still hurting some so I looked in my Uncles' medicine chest for some aspirin. All he had was prescription medicine. I read all the labels and only recognized one of the bottles. It was a bottle of valiums and figured it would work for pain.

Dustin had taken the same type of pills when he first was out of the hospital, so I thought they would be safe enough to take. The bottle was completely full so I opened it and took two. I turned off the water and sat down in the tub, letting the water overflow onto the floor, but I didn't care. I couldn't get the images out of my mind. I closed my eyes and laid my head back. I thought about telling someone, but how could I tell the police? He was the police. Who would I tell? Maybe that's just what men do? And there was nothing wrong with what he did. It was his word against mine. They would say I was lying.

Besides, I couldn't remember much. I sat there thinking until the water had become cold. The valium had taken effect and I went to lay down and sleep. When I awoke, it was dark out. I felt hung over and my body ached. My lip stung and I looked in the mirror and saw it was badly swollen. I had huge bruises on my upper, inner arms and thighs. My wrists were red and hurt, but I ignored it and went on as if nothing ever happened. It was easy. I had had a lifetime practice of ignoring my past experiences. It's what men did, I reasoned. I never heard from him again.

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